Tales From The Lane
Living Your Best Life as Creative Artist
Meeting Your Potential Self
I talk a lot about the idea of “Potential”. As artists, it seems our lifelong pursuit is in reaching it, sometimes losing ourselves (and often our friends and family) in the process. My work as a coach is about helping people reach their own potential–whether that work is about defining it, getting past the mindset obstacles in the way of them reaching it, or figuring out how to both reach that potential AND have a normal healthy life with a family and friends and travel.
Is it possible to achieve your potential if you’re not dedicating every waking moment to your craft? I believe the answer to that question depends on how you define “Your Potential.”
It’s easy to take what you do–cellist, basketball player, singer, dancer, poet, etc. and compare it to whoever is considered the “Best of the Best” in that field. the Yo-Yo Mas, Michael Jordans, Maria Callases, Martha Grahams, and Maya Angelous of the world.
Growing up, wanting nothing more than to have a career as a cellist, I would see the glamorous soloists, hear the stories passed down, and experience my own stories of intermingling with these stars. To my sixteen-year-old self, it made sense that to meet my potential as a cellist meant to be the best cellist in the entire world.
But that’s only one area of my life. At sixteen, it was the only one that mattered–save whoever my latest crush was–but at sixteen, we’re not always aware of what life is all about.
So what happens when we grow up and want to reach our potential as an artist, but also as a spouse, a parent, financially, what if we have additional new pursuits and want to reach our potential as a painter, or an interior designer, or a gardener?
If becoming the best of the best requires 100% focus, then by definition we can’t be the best of the best at more than one thing.
But what if we redefined “Our Potential” to reflect our own personal best? What does that look like? How do we find it? And how do we pursue it?
The Story That Changed Everything…
I once heard a story told, almost as a side note, on a podcast–and what is driving me bananas is that I can’t remember which podcast it was. I thought it was an interview with Tim Ferris and Jonathan Fields, but I cannot find it! Anyway, it’s safe to say it was one of those moments that changed everything for me. My entire book is centered around this question:
What if, when you die, you go to heaven and you’re met by the version of you who reached their potential?
Doesn’t that just stop you in your tracks? I found it both terrifying and fascinating. What would Kate-who-met-her-potential be like?
What was fascinating to me was what she HADN’T done. She wasn’t a superstar Best of the Best Cellist of all the land–and in an instant, I realized that that simply wasn’t that important to me. She had lost these extra pounds I’ve carried around since I was in middle school, and her teeth were straight (wait, I was supposed to WEAR that retainer? Oops) In meeting her, I knew very clearly what her house looked like, what her social life was like, and that she was a writer.
That was the moment I realized that I had always secretly wanted to be a writer, but I had chosen “cellist”, so…oh well. Thankfully, she was still happily married to my husband Paul (phew!)
From the macro to the micro, what became clear to me was not only what I would regret not doing, but also what wouldn’t matter to me in the slightest.
It was like, if I met her and she was a brain surgeon, I’d probably think “Oh, that’s nice for you, but I didn’t miss not being a brain surgeon in my version” But I would look at her perfectly straight teeth and kick myself “Man, all it would’ve taken is a few months of Invisalign!”
I believe we should strive to reach our “fullest potential” but I also believe we need to get honest and quiet, and we have to take the time to define that for ourselves.
Once you have that endpoint in mind, it’s about a) getting there and b) enjoying the process. That is going to look different for all of us, but here are a few exercises I’ve used with clients that can help you get some answers.
1. Define Your Potential Self
Take yourself to that moment of meeting the version of yourself that did all of the things you want to do. Describe them in detail. What do they look like? What have they done? What do they do? What does their house look like? Their car? What do they do in their spare time? Get it all down on paper. Also, pay attention to how they seem. Calm? Happy? Energetic? Warm? Cool?
2. Define the required steps
For each thing you described, define the steps that would be required to accomplish it. Whether they are in your control or not. “Fix crooked tooth” = set up an appointment with the dentist, and come up with a plan. “Get a tenured professorship” could = work on resumé, create and publish a legacy piece–written or performed, apply for jobs and get some interview coaching, network with colleagues, etc. Whatever it is, no matter how out of reach it seems right now, you need to see it as a done deal–That version of you did it, therefore, you can too–and have a list of action steps you can take to get yourself there.
3. Having trouble “seeing it”? Ask yourself “And then what?”
Let’s say your potential self loves to grow their own food, but….to what extent?
Do they build a vegetable garden?
Yes.
And then what?
And they add a greenhouse or polytunnel set up to extend the season with indoor growing.
And then what?
And they get some backyard chickens for fresh eggs.
And then what?
And then they buy some land and start a farm….No….hang on…that’s too much. Just the veggie garden, the greenhouse, and the chickens.
If you push it even a little too far, you’ll know. Find that sweet spot that sounds almost too good to be true, but you’d be so psyched if it happened.
Maybe it’s the point where you’re in demand as a performer, but not to the point where you haven’t seen your kids in 3 months.
Or the point where you have the pick of the litter when it comes to the students you’re teaching, but before the point where you’re teaching 7 days a week between 3 schools.
Or the point where you have a seat at the table, but before you’re the one in charge.
Or maybe you are the one in charge.
It’s up to you. We all want something different, and that’s the whole point.
4. Mini Leaps and High Dives
When it comes to becoming this version of your Potential Self, it’s a combination of small, everyday actions, and a few bigger, perhaps key, jumps out of your comfort zone. If you decide that your Potential self has backyard chickens, then at some point, you’re going to have to build or buy a chicken coop and learn how to raise chickens. At some point, I’m going to have to make that appointment with my dentist to discuss my crooked tooth. At some point, I’m going to have to sign the papers and pay the deposit on the Invisalign.
But the mini leaps will get you closer as well. Booking a concert, tweaking your resumé, going for that first, slow jog…the beginning of your journey to becoming a marathoner. Plant a few bean seeds on the windowsill, write a few notes of your first composition, a few words of your first book.
It all counts. It all gets you closer.
5. Be purposeful and joyful
Ask yourself weekly, “What can I do this week to get myself closer to that ideal, and how can that be fun and enjoyable?” Was your Potential Self anxiety-free because they had saved plenty for retirement and were living the dream? Can you gamify your savings plan to make it more fun (and make sure it happens!)
I like to imagine myself in that original scenario. I somehow meet my Potential Self, and she’s my twin in every way. We high-five each other, flashing our matching perfectly straight teeth. “You did it!” She exclaims, hugging me, and off we go to gather that morning’s eggs from the chicken coop.
Remember, the pursuit of your potential is not a one-size-fits-all journey. It’s about defining what success means to you and taking intentional steps toward that vision while finding joy in the process. Whether through small daily actions or daring leaps out of your comfort zone, each step brings you closer to becoming your fullest self. So, as you navigate your path, keep in mind the version of yourself you aspire to be, and let that vision guide you toward a life of fulfillment and purpose.
If you would like some guidance and support as you navigate towards this incredible version of yourself, let’s talk. I offer 1:1 coaching packages to creatives who are looking to find creative (and financial!) fulfillment, create a legacy they can be proud of, and create that incredibly rewarding life they were always meant to live. Book a free 30-minute discovery call HERE and we’ll see if this is the right fit for you.
Cheers!
Kate
Courage Before Confidence
Today, we’re going to talk about the #1 thing that keeps people from making progress on their dreams, their goals, and their lives: Waiting until they feel confident enough to do it.
We’re going to dig into why we do it, Why it’s such a huge mistake, and how to muster that thing you ACTUALLY need first: Courage.
*** Before we start though, I wanted to remind you all that we are just 2 weeks into Quarter 2, and it’s not too late to do your Quarterly Retreat. I LOVE doing these stay-at-home retreats each quarter–they allow me to check in with my goals, my progress, and my finances, and make a plan for what needs to happen over the next 90 days. I figured out a great repeatable process that has been a total game-changer for me, and I’d love for you to have it too. You can download my free Quarterly Retreat Planning Guide today, and start putting plans in place to set your next 90 days up for success***
Okay, so I was on a Zoom call with my Creatives Leadership Academy clients last week. We were doing a bit of a check-in on what everyone is working on, and there was one clear theme that kept popping up.
One client, coming off of a hugely successful event, was wondering why she had been so nervous about it.
One client, who had carefully and meticulously put all of the many pieces in place for a first-time project, was talking about how she might not do it after all because she didn’t think she was ready.
Another person’s project was delayed 6 months, and, although she had the opportunity to do it in a smaller venue sooner, thought that maybe she should just wait until “The big one.” even if it was super delayed.
And yet another person was desperately trying to figure out what they were missing. They were running their event for the 2nd time, and couldn’t understand why they felt so much calmer this time around when they were a nervous wreck the previous time. Surely, they were forgetting something big and important, right?
Wrong.
They just have the benefit of feeling confident this time. Last time it took every ounce of energy they had to drum up the courage they needed.
We have to muster up the courage first. The confidence comes after that 1st success.
- Client #1 was nervous because she had never done that particular kind of event before.
- Client #2 was looking for confidence to launch their project for the first time and they were never going to find it.
- Client #3 would miss out on the opportunity to gain the confidence of a successful “early” run that they could lean on for “the big one”
So many of us get caught in the trap of waiting until we feel “ready” before we commit to taking something on.
Not applying for the job because you didn’t meet every single qualification with years of backup experience. Not entering the competition because you didn’t feel confident you could win. Not taking the audition because you were certain there were more qualified people than you.
We miss out on so many opportunities–both opportunities that you’d already be brilliant at, and also growth opportunities.
A year ago, we were planning the first summer Pops concert for the Bermuda Philharmonic. I could picture it all in my head. A big tent with chairs set up, the orchestra at one end of it, other concert-goers picnicking on the lawn outside the tent in their beach chairs and blankets, food trucks all around the back, and a perfect day.
But even though I had a clear vision for it, I had ZERO confidence it would come together. Why? Because I had never done it before. I had never worked with the tent vendor–who seemed just a tiny bit flakey. I had never worked with this kind of staging before (had I given the stage guy the right dimensions? Would there be enough room?) I didn’t know. What would happen if no one brought lawn chairs and didn’t have a place to sit? What if it rained? What if no one bought tickets?
It was all brand new. To me, and to them.
I had Zero confidence that I had planned it all correctly.
However, I DID have confidence that I would be able to figure things out in the moment and make it work.
And I had confidence in my ability to summon a large dose of courage.
Courage to try it. Courage to show up. Courage to be in charge of this event–no matter how it went.
It went great. When I showed up early that day, the tent was already up and the chairs had been delivered. The stage was getting finished up and it was the perfect size. I had asked for a mic, but not a mic STAND, but that was fetched. We had the electric keyboard, but not a long enough extension cord, but that was purchased from a nearby store in time for the end of dress rehearsal when we needed it.
The food trucks arrived.
The audience came in droves—-some to sit in the tent, and some with their beach chairs and blankets and picnics.
It was great.
And now this year, as I’m planning it, it doesn’t feel so terrifying. I know the tent guy will be just fine. The staging is the right size. we know to bring a mic AND a mic stand. And an extension cord for the keyboard. The audience remembers last year and have already told their friends to come too. The food trucks (who Cleand UP that night) are excited to return.
We all have the confidence because it’s a proven concept.
Last year required courage. This year we have Confidence.
So, now, the big looming question:
How, exactly, does one muster this magical courage?
Practice.
In Episode 8, I talked about the 4 Crucial Truths I had to learn the hard way, and truth #4 was that Courage is a muscle, and that like any muscle, it can be strengthened.
If you are someone who often talks yourself out of things, you can learn to build up your tolerance for fear–I mean that’s all it is, right? We’re afraid we’re not ready, and that we will look foolish. We’re afraid we won’t win and we’ll feel disappointed. We’re afraid we will fail, so we don’t even try.
The goal here isn’t to never feel that fear. It’s normal to have those thoughts and feelings come up.
The goal, rather, is to feel that fear, and say: Yeah, maybe, but I can handle it, so let’s just see how it goes.
Start small. Send an email to someone who seems “out of your network.” Ask someone at a store for a discount. Ask the restaurant host if there is perhaps a nicer table (politely, obviously). Raise your hand and ask a question in class, or in the meeting, or at a workshop. Look for small opportunities throughout your day to use that courage muscle, and keep notes on what happens.
If you do it often enough, you’ll start to see that 1 of 2 things happens. 1: it all works out great. You raised your hand, and got called on, asked a question, and it turned out to be a great question–one that everyone was thinking too, and one that was a catalyst for a fantastic conversation. Or 2: It doesn’t work out. You raise your hand, get called on, ask your question, and it seems that everyone in the room already knew the answer. It feels awkward for about 30 seconds, but everyone seems to be acting totally normal around you afterward–like nothing happened.
In other words. It’ll work out in your favor and you’ll have confidence in your ability to do THAT thing again. Or it won’t work out in your favor, and you’ll have confidence that you’ll be fine either way.
Your heart might be beating a thousand times a minute, your palms might be sweating. You might have a few sleepless nights, but with a slightly stronger courage muscle, you’ll be able to move through it.
Another way to help muster your courage is to put some accountability in place. Sometimes all you need is to say it out loud on social media. Even though only 2% or so of your followers will see it, psychologically we feel bound to follow through if we’ve made what we feel to be a public announcement.
Accountability can also be in the form of a good, trusted friend. “I am going to take this audition!” or a mentor “I am going to start this artists’ co-op.”
To help you WANT to continue to strengthen your courage muscle, you can reward yourself every time you use it. A small treat–whether that’s a piece of chocolate, or your favorite coffee drink, or a few chill moments, listening to your favorite podcast. Whatever it is, train your brain so that it will get a little shot of dopamine whenever it demonstrates courage, and you’ll be looking for new opportunities left and right.
At the end of the day, you have to decide whether you want to put yourself in the arena or not. There might be people who aren’t suited for the arena. They prefer a quiet, relaxed, stress-free, and reliable environment. That’s great–and that can also be great for all of us during certain periods of our lives. But if you are someone who is yearning for something more, something bigger, better, greater, whatever….it’s going to require courage.
I can guarantee that you will be faced with many MANY moments where you ask yourself if you have what it takes, and honestly, you just won’t know until you try it.
Suppose you’ve been listening to this and thinking about a big shift you want to make in your life that you know will require HEAPS of courage and accountability, and you would like to work with me 1:1 to help you navigate that. I DO have spots available this spring, but only 2!, So book a client strategy call with me ASAP so we can talk through your goals and ideas, and have time to make that decision without feeling rushed.
Have a great one, and I’ll see you next week!
Cheers,
Kate
Do What YOU Want: How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think
I want to answer a question that comes up regularly for all artists. Actually, I’m fairly certain it comes up for all humans.
Why is it that whenever we have an idea to do something–like, move to a new city, change jobs, take a big audition, enter a competition, or go back to school–the first thing we do is start worrying about what other people are going to think?
Why do we DO that? Should we do it? And if not, how do we stop?
This concern that people might disapprove, or have any negative opinion regarding our behavior has stopped so many people from pursuing their desired path. From the teenager afraid to come out with the truth about who they love, to the lawyer afraid to admit that really, they’re a painter at heart, we have allowed the fear of what others might think, stop us in our collective tracks.
And it’s a damn shame.
It makes perfect sense WHY that fear comes up. After all, we are a tribal species. There was a time when being cast out of ones community left you frighteningly vulnerable to wild animals and the elements. Being cast out of the tribe meant certain death.
All mammals naturally pile up on one another–to keep warm, and to protect each other from wind, rain, cold, and predators. Have you ever noticed that sitting next to a loved one on the sofa is more comforting if you’re actually touching, than if you have space in between you?
So it’s only natural that our brains will do whatever is necessary to protect us from doing something that might upset the proverbial tribe–whether that is our colleagues, friends, family, neighbors–any sort of community we are a part of.
- Your brain will tell you that everyone will think it’s a stupid idea.
- Your brain will tell you that everyone will laugh at you.
- Your brain will convince you that you should just shut up and keep doing what you’ve all been doing.
Our brains are so good at this, in fact, that we can actually picture specific people mocking us, laughing at us, we can see images of them huddled together in the corner, talking about us behind our backs.
“She’s getting too big for her britches.”
“Why is she acting like she’s better than us?”
“Does she really think she could win that job?”
And since we can see it, we can also hear that person’s actual voice saying those things. It’s as if it’s real. As if they have already said them, and we are standing there, left to deal with the consequences.
But of course, no one has said anything–at least not that you know of–and taking, or not taking an action based on something your brain made up, is the same as being mad at someone because of something they did in your dream.
THEY DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING!
It would be easy for me to say something like: “Well, we’re not living in pre-historic times. We’re not literally in a tribe of animals keeping each other alive. Being cast out from your friends and colleagues wouldn’t actually kill you. And as far as you know, no one has said anything negative about you.”
“So stop worrying about it and just do what you want”
But it’s a bit more nuanced than that, isn’t it?
It would be great to tune out the noise of our brains and convince ourselves that everyone wants the best for us and that they would be supportive and happy for us no matter what.
That would allow us to think happy positive thoughts and move forward with our ideas and projects free of any fears or doubts.
But that’s not how it works.
Especially in the arts.
We’re a catty bunch, after all, at least, it can seem that way in groups of artists. There’s a certain “mob mentality” That comes out. The group of musicians complaining about the soloist during rehearsal breaks. The dancers picking apart the actions of that one colleague–how dare she think of herself as a choreographer! The artists gathering in the corner of a gallery opening talking about how the show’s artist is a “total sell-out”
We’ve all seen that. Everyone nods in agreement and heads off to the bar. Crabs in the bucket, doing their best to pull each other back down to the bottom.
It’s enough to keep anyone from trying anything new. Ever.
But here’s the thing! That might be what they’re saying in their huddled groups, but that’s not what they are each thinking individually. Individually, they are thoughtful. compassionate. Understanding. And individually, they want to know how they can get invited to play a concerto with orchestra. They would love to find the courage to expand their skills as a choreographer, or they are also looking for that sweet intersection of art that matters to them, and art that people want to buy.
Okay, so if we accept that 1) The voices we’re hearing in our head are purely made up and not real. And also 2) That in groups, people can be a little catty and try to keep others from rising to the top, how the heck do we get around worrying about what others think? Here are 5 ways:
1. Focus on the Individual, not the group.
When I first announced that I was ending my career as a professional cellist, I heard about groups of people talking about me–at parties, at rehearsals, during their commutes–the gossip traveled back to me quickly.
But the number of people who reached out to me individually to say that they ALSO wondered what it would be like to stop performing and thanked me for setting the example, was huge. In fact, some of those individuals were ALSO part of those groups of gossipers.
So worry less about what people are saying in groups, and make an effort to have conversations with people one-on-one. You’ll get their real thoughts, and those thoughts are more likely to be ones of support, understanding, and enthusiasm.
2. Remember that humans are too self-absorbed to care about what you’re doing (or not doing)
While people might gossip about your news when they first hear about it, they are far too busy living their lives to actually invest time and energy into your endeavors. One minute they are obsessed with “who you think you are, exactly?” and the next minute, they’re getting a call from the mechanic that their car needs an expensive repair, or the school is calling about their kid, or they get an email about a gig and voila, they are no longer concerned with you.
As an exercise, think back to the last time you heard a bit of juicy gossip about someone. How often have you thought about it since?
Yeah–that’s what I thought.
3. Remember that Criticism and Compliments are more about the giver than the receiver.
When someone compliments your hair, it’s not just that your hair looks good. It’s that your hair looks good in the way that THEY think hair should look. If they compliment your clothes, it’s because it matches their style. If they compliment you on a decision or a choice you’ve made, it’s because they also think that is the right thing to do. In other words, it’s about them. You’ve mirrored them and validated their own ideas about themselves.
Likewise, when someone criticizes you, it has more to do with them than you. I’m not talking about when you are actually, morally, ethically, or legally in the wrong–if you’ve screwed up and hurt people, that criticism is about you. (sorry). I’m talking about when someone criticizes your Elgar concerto and it’s because they are still bitter that they didn’t win that competition with their Elgar that one time, decades ago, and it was unfair, and they hate that piece and everyone who plays it.
Or they criticize a career move you’ve decided to make because they once could’ve made that decision but they chose differently. Your choice unwittingly challenges their past decision. It has nothing to do with you.
4. You’ll never see someone ahead of you criticize your wanting to make progress
Only those who are behind or at the same level will do that–they’re too scared to do it themselves and they’ve been justifying it by convincing themselves and everyone around them that it was a bad idea. If you do it, then you’ve just blasted through all their excuses.
This one is something I have seen time and time again, and I experience it personally. As Theodore Roosevelt said (and Brene Brown has brought back into pop culture) Being the Man in the Arena is not easy, and it’s not for the faint of heart. No one who has ever been in that arena (or any arena, really!) will criticize someone asking to be let in. If someone is pulling you down to the bottom of that bucket, it’s only because they’ve never seen the top.
5. They won’t be around forever.
A little over a year ago, I knew the time had come for me to stop teaching cello. My coaching and writing work were taking off, consuming more of my time and energy, and it was getting harder and harder to have the necessary time for both. But I had one student who had 1 year left in high school. I lost quite a bit of sleep worrying about what people would think if I “abandoned” a long-term student in their last year. In the end, I decided I needed to do what was best for me, but wouldn’t you know it, right before the school announced that I was leaving, this student quit–” wanted to focus on other aspects of her college application process” Had I decided to stay on another year, it would have been for her sake. But she didn’t even feel the need to say goodbye. For the record, I don’t have any bad feelings about this student–she made the best decision for her at the time, and I wish her all the best, of course. But it goes to illustrate that while we spend all this time worrying about what others will think, say, and do in terms of OUR decisions, they’re busy dealing with their OWN decisions, and often those decisions involve taking themselves out of the picture altogether.
At the end of the day, you’re the only one with all of the information about your life, and your life is your decision–not anyone else’s. If you’re going to concern yourself with what people will say about you, shift it to this: What do you want people to say about you at your funeral? Those are the things that are important to you. Go and do those things. No matter what anyone says about it.
Cheers,
Kate x
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What if it Was Easy?
We’ve all been there. Deep in the beginning stages of a project–and actually, it’s not quite the beginning. The beginning is fun! That’s when we jot down the ideas and it all just flows, and we have our mindmaps and our vision boards, and even after we’ve gotten it out of our minds and onto the page, it’s still shiny and new and exciting.
No, I’m talking about when you are IN IT. When you find yourself faced with an epic to-do list, and looming deadline, and emails and texts from people involved who are doing their very best to um…if not totally burn it down, then at least keep you on your toes. Someone cancels on you and you have to find a replacement. You are sent strange forms that you need to figure out in order to apply for the permit. It can feel like you’re drowning in it all, and it’s enough to make you want to quit.
That’s when most people quit.
But you’re not most people, are you?
What if I told you there was a slight mindset shift you could make that would end the sense of overwhelm and maybe, just possibly, turn it into an almost enjoyable experience?
What if it was Easy?
Now, by “Easy” I don’t mean that you can sit on your sofa playing video games all day and suddenly you’ll have a finished project ready to launch. Great accomplishments take work. Sometimes that work involves long hours. So if you’re afraid of working, this episode isn’t for you. But you’re a creative, which means you are not afraid of work. You’ll spend hours working on a piece of music, new choreography, standing in front of a canvas until it’s just right.
You’re no wimp.
But what if those long hours didn’t feel like like “hard work.” What if they felt…Easy?
It’s a tool I came to out of desperation. I was at a point of complete paralysis staring at everything that had to be done to launch a new project.
The to-do list, the responsibility, the new skills required, the complicated forms my dyslexic brain couldn’t make heads or tails out of, it was all so overwhelming I wanted to cry “uncle” and quit it all.
But I didn’t want to quit. I WANTED to see this project out in the world. It was important to me, and it was going to be important to a lot of other people too. So I had to figure something out.
I took a deep breath and looked at the tasks before me. As a whole, it looked insurmountable, but I was in survivor mode. And like any good survivor movie, I just needed to put one foot in front of the other.
What followed became my go-to way of approaching my work. Thankfully, you don’t have to get into survival mode for it to work. If you start with it, it’ll ward off the overwhelm like an evil eye.
Here’s how to make it easy.
1. Identify what is making it feel hard.
Sometimes, what is feeling “hard” is really just annoyance. Annoyance that the list of tasks is going to take a long time. It doesn’t seem fair that you have to work a couple of hours on the weekends to get it done. It’s not right that you don’t have a staff to help you. Frustration is another one that comes up. You need to log in, but you can’t remember your password, so before you can even get started, you need to reset your password. We’ve all been there. But that’s not hard. It’s just frustrating as hell.
And sometimes it’s because there is a skill involved that you’re not comfortable with yet. Maybe the project requires setting up Facebook ads–and, if it makes you feel any better, it’s not you, my friend. Those are notoriously annoying to set up the first time.
Sometimes it’s a concern over the outcome that makes it all feel so hard. We feel a sense of responsibility for the result, so every step feels wrought with risk. You might fear that someone will say no, or that it won’t be possible. That there might be obstacles that you need to overcome.
Maybe, but you’ll figure out the next step then. Why are you letting the fear of something not going well, keep you from doing it at all?
Identifying what is at the root of it feeling “hard” can help us unravel it and get around it. If it’s the annoyance of it. The unfairness of having to do the work, you have 2 choices. You can hire help, or, if you don’t have the funds, or you simply don’t want to relinquish control, then just accept that it’s a project that is going to temporarily take up quite a bit of space on your calendar, but that it’ll be worth it. You’ll be fine. The time will pass either way. This way, you’ll have a finished project at the end.
If it’s about a skill that you’re lacking, you can learn the skill. Instead of staring blankly at that FB ads manager screen scratching your head, open a new tab, watch a couple of Youtube videos explaining the step-by-step process, and just do it. One step at a time.
And if it’s concern for the result? Reminding yourself that there is just as much chance of it all going well, and that no matter WHAT the result is, you’ll have grown in all sorts of ways, and you’ll have valuable experience that can help make the NEXT one even better.
2. Find the “Easy”
Once you’ve identified WHY the tasks in front of you seem hard, you can break it down into easy steps. Let’s go back to that frustrating moment of trying to log in and needing to reset your password. 1st. Breathe. 2nd. You just need to reset your password. That’s not hard. 3rd. Ah. 2-step verification, but your phone is in the other room. Again, that’s not hard. You just need to get up, walk into the other room, and get your phone. Easy. Then you need to enter those numbers in. Then you need to log in again, and now you can get on with it.
All told, that minor setback only costs you about 90 seconds of work time–you’ll waste far more than that doom scrolling on Instagram during your project work, trust me. So don’t sweat it. Focusing on the ease of each task keeps the blood pressure down, and the cortisol at bay.
You just need to find their email address from their website. You just need to enter a question into the search bar. You just need to answer the questions on the form. One by one.
Make it a little game you can play. How is this stupidly simple? You’ll find that even the most complicated tasks (I’m looking at you multi-country business taxes!) are just a series of hundreds of seriously easy tasks. (“Write your full name on this line”).
Easy does it.
3. What would Easy look like?
Think of something that you do often now that felt overwhelmingly difficult the first time you did it. Driving a car? Teaching a lesson? Buying a car? Making Bolognese? When you do that thing now, it feels super easy.
Before, you kept an air of intense nervous focus while reading each line of the bolognese recipe 5 times making sure you weren’t chopping too many or two few carrots–you were so afraid of messing it up. You yell at your partner to turn the music down because you need to concentrate! These days? you’ve got some tunes on, you wipe your hands on your well-loved apron and pour yourself a glass of chianti to enjoy while you cook. You gather ingredients on the table and start chopping, stirring, browning. No recipe in sight, because you know it by heart now. You can have a conversation with your partner while you cook and you’re laughing and smiling, thinking about the incredible meal in your near future.
The latter is much nicer, right? Seems fun. The work isn’t any easier now. You’ve had more practice, so you can do it faster, sure, but chopping an onion is chopping an onion.
So put the tunes on now and enjoy the process.
For you, think about a project that seems difficult to you now. Could be a piece you’re working on, or an event you’re planning. Imagine you’ve performed the piece for years, or that this is the 4th year in a row for your amazing event.
How would it feel to do the work if it all truly felt easy and familiar? Would you have your feet up on the desk? Would you be thinking more about phrasing than panicked about making the shift? Would you have music on? Send the necessary emails like they’re your old friends and collaborators?
How does the energy shift when you think about it that way? How can you bring some of those things into your current work? How would you approach your new work if it felt more like returning to an old friend?
4. Be Kind to Future You
When we do things for the first time, they can take a while to figure out. It might have been a series of stupidly simple tasks, but there might have been a lot of them! You can make your future life a lot easier by creating a template of it. Did you finally settle on the perfect project budget? Great. Make it a template that you can use the next time you do a project. You might end up tweaking it a bit, but you won’t have to start from scratch again.
5. Systematize the Process for Next Time
As you work through various tasks, you might find that, as easy as the individual steps are, you could make the whole process easier for you. Example: Doing your taxes. It’s not HARD to go through all of your accounts and credit card statements each year, but you COULD set up quickbooks and save yourself a lot of steps (and time) in the future. As you work, jot down ideas you have to make your life even easier.
6. Keep a Needed Skills/Knowledge List
Speaking of jotting down ideas, keep a list going-in an app, or a google doc–whatever you like that is easily accessible–nd write down skills that you’d like to develop, or knowledge you’d like to obtain. Maybe while setting up your first website, you kept reading about the importance of SEO. Maybe your priority was in getting the website up and running as soon as possible. Great. Add SEO to your list of things that you’d like to learn about when you have more time.
Other examples might be: FB ads, Non-profit structures, or French. I like to choose one thing from my list each quarter and dig in a bit. I’m always surprised when it comes in handy!
These last 3, Creating templates, setting up systems, and creating a skills list are all great ideas for a Quarterly Retreat. Mine is coming up next week–actually, if you’re reading this in real-time, it’s at the end of THIS week, and I CANNOT wait! I love these little stay-at-home retreats I do every quarter to take stock of the last 90 days, set up the next 90 days, and take a bit of time to organize and optimize all the things. It’s the best. And, if you would like to do one too, I created a little guide on how to structure one to get the most out of a few days (or partial days).
You can grab the link HERE, and get started on setting up your own retreat. We’re coming up to the end of Quarter 1, so this is the perfect time!
Okay, my friend. Have an amazing week! And don’t forget to find the Easy in everything you do.
Cheers,
Kate
Doing Less to Get More Done
I want to talk about something that comes up a lot both in the work I have done in Music as well as the work I do in life in general. It’s the idea of doing less, in order to get more done.
That’s right, I hereby declare that Status is no longer attained through being “Busy.”
Quality is the new Quantity.
Gone are the days when we would look with envy at that guy–let’s call him “Player A”– running into and out of a rehearsal–barely making it into his seat in time for the downbeat–gosh, we used to think “He’s SO IN DEMAND!! HE MUST BE AMAZING”
These days? We look at the person sauntering in with a vanilla chai latte in hand–. ”Player B” is smiling, with time to chat with their friends. This person? They’ve got it going on. They have a small, but elite studio of advanced students, run a successful and always-sold-out chamber music series, and performs the concerts THEY want. They’re not frantic, they’re not exhausted. But they are:
- Artistically fulfilled
- Doing work that matters to them
- The creators of important legacy projects that will outlast them
- Enjoying plenty of time to relax, think and create
- Financially secure
Both player A and player B are awesome players. Both went the the “right” schools, had the “right” teachers, and both have stellar reputations as a colleague and a person.
So what’s the difference?
Player B made the decision to do Less, in order to get more done
In music it looks like this:
Identifying the 3 notes that are tripping you up in a tricky passage and practicing those for 5 minutes instead of going over and over the entire passage for 10 minutes—usually without much progress.
When I taught my eager and enthusiastic cello students, I often talked to them about the power of doing less, not (only) so that they wouldn’t become exhausted and burned out, but so that they had time to really think about what they were doing, and as a result, make faster progress.
For them, it might look like only being in one youth orchestra as a student so that they have more time to practice and improve their playing skills.
Or having half of their lessons virtually to save a 2-hour commute (giving them more time to practice).
I, too, have had to learn the benefits of doing less in order to get more done. In my case, it has less to do with tricky passages in a cello concerto, and more to do with streamlining the work that I was doing. 10 years ago, I had the equivalent of 3 full-time jobs. I had obligations to too many people, and way too many of my hours were spoken for. My bandwidth was stretched to the max. And ironically, I never felt like I had any time to get any ACTUAL work done. The kind of work that mattered most.
One concern I had when I decided to stop performing, (and then I had it again when I stopped teaching two years later) was that clients would think that in order to have any success leveling up their career or creating big programs and events like I have, they, too, would have to quit.
Some of them were looking for permission to do just that. (and, yes, permission granted, my friend! I hereby grant you permission to do whatever you want to do!)
But others love performing and can’t imagine a day when they would ever want to give it up.
And that’s great too!
I think it’s definitely possible to do different things. I very successfully Performed and taught, and ran a large chamber music program. And then I taught in person, and ran an online cello program and festival, and had a coaching program.
But there’s a limit to how many different things one can do before there’s no time left in your schedule to work on YOU.
The freelance musician who is running around from rehearsal to rehearsal all over the entire region, squeezing every possible gig into their schedule like a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle. In the moment, being able to squeeze in that $200 memorial service on a Wednesday morning seems like a victory. But over the long term, every morning practice session you gave up delayed your progress as a musician. Every 2-hour commute to a “kinda crappy” gig meant that you lost 2 precious hours of figuring out your ideal recital program, or booking your own concerts, or starting that chamber music series–The things that you’ll look back on with pride.
The artist who is teaching classes at three different schools, babysitting, and working at Starbucks. When do they have time to make their own art?
Do less by…Cutting Expenses
Okay–let’s talk about what needs to be talked about. Artists are not paid enough. So, maybe it takes three teaching jobs, babysitting work, and a job as a barista just to pay your bills. I get that. (trust me, I GET that) but these moments need to be moved through as quickly as possible.
Generally speaking, I think you should look for ways to make more money, rather than live a life of desperate frugality. BUT…sometimes, to get out from under the giant boulder of “needing to do 20 jobs in order to pay rent” you need to cut whatever expenses you can until you can start increasing your revenue.
What if you’re in a period of your life when you need to be focused on your craft?–you’re preparing to submit your work to a big art competition, or you’re taking auditions, trying to get an orchestra or acting job.
This is a period of time when you want to say no to as many things as possible and spend as much time as possible investing in your craft. Spend whatever money you can scrape together on audition excerpt training, lessons, and the flights you’ll need to take. Say no to both the low-paying gig with a 3-hour commute and dinner out with your friends.
Do Less by…Charging more money for what you ARE doing:
I had a colleague who would ONLY play a gig if they were principal. “If I have to be there,” they said “I might as well be making as much as possible–that way I don’t have to take as many gigs”
When I streamlined my teaching into my online program I taught less (technically) and charged far more than I had previously. But I was also giving my students twice the value in other ways. There are things that they need and benefit from that don’t require more of your time!
You can also apply for grants, funding, or donations (depending on your status as a non-profit, etc) but there are ways to bring other people into the fold to support the work that you are doing.
So while Player A spent 9 hours of his week rushing around the city to play three low paying gigs and proving just how “in demand” he is, Player B was at home curled up with her cat writing a grant proposal that will bring her the $5000 needed to cover the costs of her next chamber music series concert—including her pay has artistic director, which is quite a bit more than what Player A made that week.
Do less by…Being the best at 1 thing:
Being “the Best” is pretty subjective, especially in the arts, but the more specialized you are, and the better you are at doing that specialized thing, the higher your rate can be. Are you an expert in a particular genre or style of music? Or a particular aged student? Or a particular art medium? Carving out a niche for yourself can be both rewarding and lucrative.
This might not be appealing to you–you might love the wide variety of work opportunities you get—that’s great! But for some, niching down is exactly the right thing.
Do less by…Finding the unifying factor
I’m the first to admit that on paper, the past few months have seemed cRAZY busy for me, I launched a podcast in January, and then Profit Pivot in February–those two on top of my Creatives Leadership Academy program, my 1:1 coaching, and the work I do running a local orchestra.
But really, all of those things are just 1 thing. I help people to create and live the lives they have always dreamed of. It’s what I do with my 1:1 clients, my CLA cohort, Profit Pivot, it’s what I am doing with this podcast, and it’s even what I am doing with the Philharmonic. Providing the musicians with a container in which to play great repertoire, and express themselves through music, and providing residents with a vibrant cultural landscape that they can enjoy and be proud of!
This IS essentially my niche, my one thing. On paper, it might look like 5 things, but to me, and in my mind, they are just one. And that one thing leaves me:
- Artistically fulfilled
- Doing work that matters to me
- The creator of important legacy projects that will outlast me
- Enjoying plenty of time to relax, think, and create
- Financially secure
None of this comes by accident, of course. Luck has nothing to do with it. It’s about…wait for it…intentionality. It really does always come back to that, doesn’t it? It’s about having some clarity around what you want to be known for. The kind of work you do, rather than how much of it you do. The quality of it, rather than the quantity.
What can you clear off your plate this year so that you can have more time to do the things that matter? If you put those things aside, how would you spend that extra time? And how could those activities bring in as much or more money than the ones you cleared off?
If you’d like a bit of structure around how to think through these questions and plan out the next 90 days with more intentionality, go download my Quarterly Retreat Planning Guide. This is my popular guide that will show you exactly how I plan out my stay-at-home retreat, how I prepare for it, and what I do each day to ensure the next 90 days are met with intentionality, progress, and plenty of white space for fun and relaxing goodies. Grab it today, and start planning your next retreat (don’t forget the croissants!)
Have a great week!
Kate
How to Ask for Help (and how NOT to)
Today’s topic is “Help”. Asking for it. Giving it, and why it can be such an awkward experience on both sides—especially for artists. This is a journey that I am STILL on. Asking for help has always been my biggest challenge, and although I LOVE helping other people, and literally do it for a living, I also have some strong opinions, and a few pet peeves about the ways some help is sometimes asked for.
Today we’re getting a bit spicy.
One idea that falls under the “Old and aged-out advice” category, is the idea that the most successful artists in this world were lone-wolf outliers who achieved that elite status all by themselves. We have romanticized notions of the dark, brooding, socially aloof artist who doesn’t have (or need or want) any friends, who famously ignores the wisdom and advice of their teachers, and who wins fame and glory by doing their own thing. Completely isolated and on their own.
I’d like to call BS.
Because that guy? They likely had a wealthy sponsor (or wealthy parents) who paid their rent, bought them a fancy instrument, or gave them studio space. The teacher they famously ignored? They still paved the way for them in a hundred different ways. Whether or not they admitted it, there’s one thing I know for sure, and that is that at one point or another, they had some help.
And that’s great! There is absolutely nothing wrong with having some help along the way to our dreams. in fact, I highly encourage it!
We ALL need some help from time to time. But asking for help can be an awkward thing–especially for artists, who are accustomed not only to having to do the bulk of their work honing their craft alone in dark rooms but in an ultra-competitive environment where it behooved us to pretend that we were little geniuses who had all the answers. NO MATTER WHAT.
If we were to come into some valuable information—about an upcoming competition, say, or a more helpful way of doing something–we would NEVER share it. “Why would we ever just give away our competitive edge?” Our scared little brains would ask.
Unfortunately, I see that carrying over into adulthood as well. Artists are slow to share things with each other. They hold a new favorite podcast as close to their chest as they do the fact that they might be taking the concertmaster audition that’s coming up- afraid of losing that edge.
And they are also slow to ask for help in mid-career. They are supposed to know everything, right? They’re supposed to be able to figure it all out. They don’t need help creating their next work of art, so why would they need help launching their new gallery?
I see this firsthand in my coaching work–Especially when I’m enrolling a new group program. If you’re reading this on the original posting day, I’ve just completed enrollment for my 6-month group program, Profit Pivot, and it was no different.
There’s a stage where people are just circling. I can see that they’ve opened and read all of the emails, checked out the sales page a few times, etc. They might have even come to my 5-Day Challenge, but one thing they won’t do is talk about the project they have in mind. For some, it’s too soon, and I totally respect that. There is a period of incubation (for us, and the project) where making it vulnerable to criticism can shut us down completely. But for a lot of people, they have trouble getting past that inability to say “I have this idea, but I’m not sure what to do with it.”
Or, god forbid, “I think I could use some help getting this off the ground.”
Luckily, most of them eventually get there in time. The people in this year’s cohort have some amazing projects and ideas, and they are going to be SO GLAD they raised their hand for this.
I’ll admit, I also have a very complicated relationship with the idea of asking for help. As a latch-key kid, with busy parents, The phrase “Look it up in World Book” (the ’80s and 90s leather-bound version of Google) rang out in our house regularly.
We were being taught how to be resourceful and self-sufficient. Both of my parents were more than happy to spend time teaching us a skill–how to cook, sew, garden, or put up drywall, for instance. Things that you couldn’t learn from a book as well as you could from an experienced person (again, the 80s and 90s version of YouTube)
But “Hey Mom, what’s the capital of Wyoming?” was not something she was going to waste her breath on. The answer I needed was written in that leather-bound book on the shelf. Volume “W”. I could find it myself.
That translated well to a life in the competitive arena of the arts.
So I might have started out with a bit of a chip on my shoulder when it came to asking for help, but I think I’ve figured out a few things along the way. Some of these are basic rules of “Help-Etiquette” some are ways of reframing the kind of help you need, and some are just pet peeves of mine. They drive me bananas–in fact, let’s start with one of those…
#1) Don’t ask someone to fetch information that you can get yourself.
AKA, allow me to introduce you to my friend, Google. Or…World Book. Your choice.
The capital of Wyoming. The email address of that person who has a public website with their email address right there. What String Theory is (nobody knows.)
Unless that person is a paid assistant, or you are simply delegating work amongst equal partners, if you can use a basic search engine to find the answer, do not ask someone else for it.
#2) Ask for what you REALLY need.
Are you wondering what the capital of Wyoming is? Or are you wondering what life is like in Cheyenne. Because you’d have to ask someone who has lived there or at least visited there, and that is a very valid question to ask them. Be as specific as possible, and include the why as well as the what.
Do you need that person’s email address? Or are you hoping for a personal email introduction to them? Ask for the introduction–not the email. Bonus points for “Person X’s email address is on their website, so I can just email them myself, but since you know them, would you be willing to send a quick introduction email for me? I think it would make a big difference.”
People love to help. Don’t you? It feels good to know that you were able to help someone else. So don’t be afraid to be a bit vulnerable and ask for what you need, and why you need it.
#3) Don’t expect other people to drop what they are doing in order to jump onto your timeline.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people pop into my inbox or DM’s, tell me they’re in the middle of something and have a question they want me to answer. They make it clear that they want and expect an immediate answer from me so that they can get on with their work.
Something like “I’m in the car, about to drive to my gig, and I wanted to listen to that podcast you mentioned. Which episode was it again?” I have 2 issues with this: a) You can pull up the podcast and figure it out if you really need to know immediately b) I’m sitting here at my desk working on something. I see the notification. I don’t really want to lose focus, so I would normally ignore it until later. But now I know that I’m choosing to make you wait on it, and I have to do the mental gymnastics to not feel guilty. But honestly, if I stopped working every time a question came in, I’d never get anything done.
Now, caveat: This one goes both ways. We (especially those of us who are teach) should not feel that we need to drop everything and help everyone “in the moment” every time. Are there situations where we might want to? Yes. Of course. If a student of mine called me from Boston saying that they were backstage before a concert and forgot their bow at home, I would drop everything and call all of the cellists I knew within a 10-mile radius and get them a bow. Emergencies are emergencies, after all. But too often we make that the norm, which leads to expectations that we are ALWAYS available to drop everything and help them whenever they want something.
So it’s up to us to help others learn the difference, and it’s also up to us to not put our timelines on others.
#4) The difference between asking for help and asking a favor.
Asking for help should be reserved for things that you absolutely cannot do (or cannot do as well) on your own. Help with learning how to do something. Help by having them share their wisdom and experience on a situation.
A favor is something that you can do but would like someone else to do for you. Can you pick up the kids today? Can you take that bag of trash out? Can you come over this weekend and help me move? You ask someone to do you a favor to free up your time or make something easier for you.
Help is asked for and given freely–because we all need it at some point. Favors, however, should be re-paid–either in kind or in pizza.
You can even ask Google-able questions if they are presented as favors. Ie “Hey, I’m super swamped trying to meet this deadline, can you do me a favor and find Person X’s email address? It’s probably just on their website.”
#5) Don’t mistake “needing help” for “wanting connection”
We see this on the other side from the “intense” friend, or the “needy” student, right? It seems they are constantly in need of SOMETHING–and it’s often those Type 1, or Google-able asks. Well, more often than not, it’s a connection they are craving more than the need for help. They’re looking for an excuse to reach out.
This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way. When I moved to Bermuda to live with my husband, I was a cellist, and he was a sailor. I knew all about music, and he knew all about boats. And he would happily come to my concerts, and I would happily go to his boaty things. At some point, It became clear that gardening, and specifically, growing vegetables was something we were BOTH interested in–AWESOME! How fun! He and I got to work and cleared some spaces out on our property, created beds, and….and then he loved it so much, he started his OWN garden at the school where he teaches.
I would pout and get upset that he wasn’t “Helping” me in the garden, and he would be annoyed because he knew damn well that I didn’t NEED his help in our home garden. He would proceed to talk about all of the things he was growing vs what “I” was growing and compare speed of growth, size, taste, or which was worse: my slugs, or his chickens.
I was so frustrated, and downright angry every time he wanted to talk about his garden, and he couldn’t understand why I was so resentful of his school garden.
Eventually, I realized that it was true that I didn’t need his help in the garden. I wasn’t craving assistance, but rather I was looking for a way for us to spend time together doing something we both equally enjoyed. Once I was able to articulate that? Well, he still drives off to tend his own garden instead, but at least he understands my intent, and he’s slowly starting to see it as an opportunity for spending quality time together.
Okay, so we’re all just trying to navigate ways to connect, help, be helped, and do great things. I hope that your #1 takeaway is that it’s totally okay—more than okay, in fact, to ask for help. Getting input from others makes things better, leaning on the networks, wisdom, and experience of other people can help us grow stronger, and collaboration creates a wonderful sense of connection.
Just remember these few simple rules:
#1) Don’t ask someone to fetch information that you can get yourself.
#2) Ask for what you REALLY need
#3) Don’t expect people to jump onto your timeline.
#4) There’s a difference between asking for help and asking a favor.
#5) Don’t mistake “ needing help” for “wanting connection”
Have a great week, my friend!
Cheers!
Kate
P.S. And if you are ready to get some help getting your career to a point of Creative Fulfillment and Financial Reward, please feel free to reach out. Here’s a link to book a discovery call. I would love to chat with you!
How to Keep Yourself From Bailing On Your Goals
Hello, friend, I hope you have had an incredible week. Over the past 7 years of this blog, we’ve covered a lot of territory, but whether we’re talking about staying healthy while on tour, how to time-block, or set up your teaching studio, the one major theme running through this platform is how Artists and Creatives can Thrive instead of merely Survive.
We cover mindset obstacles like imposter syndrome and resistance, and we talk about tactics like time-blocking and how to create artistic projects. Mostly though, this is a place where, as a creative, you can gain the confidence to craft your career in the most fulfilling and aligned way. You can choose to ignore the old and now aged-out advice that you have to be a slave to your art at all costs, and that you MUST live in NYC, or London, or Berlin, and that you MUST do things a certain tried and true way. There is just too much evidence to the contrary. This is a place where you get to do your craft at the highest possible level and do it on your terms.
More often than not, getting from a tired-out career to this new, amazing career of your dreams requires working towards certain goals. And here we are in mid-February when we’re looking in the rear-view mirror at our New Year’s resolutions….sitting there on the dusty road, waving goodbye to us.
Today we’re talking about how we can keep ourselves from bailing on those goals. And the 3 things that you can do to stay the course and get to that coveted Point B.
Before we get into it though, I want to remind you that doors are open for my 6-Month Guided Program, Profit Pivot. This program is perfect for any creative with an idea for an artistic project–a workshop, class, festival, ensemble, chamber music series, or artists retreat… Anything at all!
We’ll take you step-by-step to get that project out of your head, and into the world.
Enrollment closes on Friday, February 23rd so get in there ASAP and check it out. Head over to KateKayaian.com for all of the details!
In the meantime, go ahead and grab your favorite beverage, find a cozy spot, and let’s dive into the 3 things that will keep you from bailing on your goals this year.
1. Casting Your Vote
The author, James Clear, writes in Atomic Habits: “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your identity.”
I like to take this one step further. When I’m trying to reach a goal, I take the time to visualize the version of me that has met the goal. I see how THAT Kate is dressed, what she looks like, who she’s with, what she’s doing. Etc. For instance, let’s take my goal of finishing my book. I can close my eyes and imagine myself on my book tour, seeing my book on stands in those airport shops, signing books, and taking photos with people who read and loved the books–the works–I can see it all so clearly.
And then I imagine the version of me that doesn’t finish the book. Walking by airport bookstores wistfully, bitter, staring at that folder on my desktop with a half-finished manuscript year after year. Feeling disappointed in myself.
Once I have a very clear picture of both versions of Kate in my head, any decision I make around the book–am I going to write today? Have I sent the proposal? Will I apply for that writing retreat?–will be a vote for one of those 2 versions.
So it’s not JUST that a vote to write is a vote for Kate Kayaian, author of a NYT best-seller (go big or go home, right?). But the decision to NOT write. To put it off just one more day, to wait until I have more time, to choose to scroll Instagram instead, is a Vote for Sad, Bookless Kate.
Somehow the stakes are higher. It’s no different than politics, right? Your vote DOES matter–not just to elect the person you want, but also to keep the other person from winning instead.
2. Surround Yourself With People Who Are Crushing That Same Goal
This is important. This is why we encourage talented young musicians to attend a summer festival, young ballet dancers are shipped off to intensives. Every group has their own version. Being surrounded by people who share that goal inspires us and motivates us. You do NOT want to be the only kid in the dorm NOT practicing, and when you see other students push past struggles and obstacles, and see the more advanced students performing at a level you suddenly dream of reaching yourself? That’s magical.
And it’s the same for adults. Once we have our degrees and settle down into our careers, we start to think we can do anything on our own. But we are missing out on that magic. The writer’s retreat. The artists’ open studios, the weekend a professional musician spends at Tanglewood Aspen, or Verbier, suddenly re-invigorated.
If you want to start running, join a morning runner’s club. If you want to learn to paint, join a group painting class. It’s universal.
Sometimes it’s not easy to do it in person. Gardening is a difficult thing to do in a group setting because it’s very difficult to MOVE one’s garden around. But gardening communities run deep in the form of YouTube channel comment sections, seed-sharing get-togethers, and plant sales.
Whether it’s an in-person retreat or an online gathering of like-minded souls, Get yourself surrounded by the people who are going to motivate and inspire you to reach those goals.
3. Lock it In and Make it a Non-Negotiable
When I was growing up, I wanted to quit the cello so many times. It wasn’t that I hated the cello (I loved it!) It was usually because I didn’t want to practice, or had to give up a friend’s birthday party for group class…the usual story. There would be crying, tantrums, begging––anything to get my mother to let me quit, but she was German and stubborn, and she would stand there staring at me (completely unmoved by my suffering) and tell me that I had to keep playing until I was 18. At 18, I could do what I wanted.
It was non-negotiable. Not up for discussion. So I practiced, and I went to group class, and I improved, and I made close friends, and before I knew it, I didn’t want to quit anymore.
There were other moments when I kept myself on track with a goal by locking it in financially. When I lived in Miami, I wanted to start drawing. I bought some art supplies and a couple of books and figured I would teach myself. It would be nice to spend a couple of hours after rehearsal in my room, or out by the pool, drawing. What actually happened was I would spend the entire rehearsal thinking about heading home to draw, and then, walking out of rehearsal, friends would invite me over, or they’d be heading out for some sushi and well, there went the drawing date.
It wasn’t working. Weeks went by and I had ZERO drawings in my sketchbook. So I used the very little spare money I had and enrolled in an art class. The class was non-refundable, and obviously, there were no make-up sessions if we missed a class, so I got myself there week after week. Even when I didn’t feel like it. Even when all of my friends were heading out for sushi or to the beach.
One of my new habits is to do situps before bed. For the first few weeks, I would reason with myself EVERY NIGHT. I was tired. My abs still hurt from the night before. I was already in bed. It was too late, and I needed to get to sleep. Luckily, I was able to argue myself into doing the situps, but eventually, I just got tired of the nightly debate. I decided it was non-negotiable, and no matter what, the sit-ups happen.
What can YOU do to lock something in and make it non-negotiable? A friendly wager? An accountability partner who is as stubborn as my mother was? Or an investment that will put some higher stakes on the work? I swear some of my clients are as successful as they are Purely so that they can make a return on their coaching investment with me!
So there you have a few techniques that you can use to keep yourself from bailing on your goals. Create a clear vision of that goal-achieving version of you, and vote for THEM. Surround yourself with people reaching for similar goals. And find a way to lock it in and make it non-negotiable.
I can’t wait to hear how you have crushed your 2024 goals.
Cheers,
Kate x
P.S. If this post resonated with you and you’d like an easy way to tackle all 3 of these things so that you don’t end up bailing on that important 2024 goal, Check out Profit Pivot. Joining a group program like this is a great way to lock in your commitment, you’ll DEFINITELY be surrounded by other people who have similar goals, and what an amazing Vote for the person you are trying to grow into! If you’d like to hop on a call and chat about it, you can schedule a time for that here.
The 4 Crucial Truths That Changed Everything for Me
I was scrolling through my phone yesterday looking for a specific photo from years ago, and wow–is that ever a mind trip! With a flick of the thumb, I was transporting myself back in time—from this past year of career wins and family losses, back to photos of everyone in masks during COVID, further back to concert tours and vacations around the world, and further still to my Boston freelance days.
It was there that I stopped scrolling. Looking at a photo of me from back then, I appeared happy and smiling, but the truth is that I was deeply unhappy. By all accounts, I had a successful career. I had steady work—perhaps even too much work–I got to work with my best friends every day, and I felt appreciated and respected by my colleagues.
But there I was. Miserable. I for sure wasn’t living the life I wanted, but I also wasn’t entirely sure what the life I wanted looked like. I was working insane hours each week, but then, any time I had a day off, it would just disappear into thin air, with none of those to-do list items that had been piling up getting done.
I had notebooks full of ideas for projects, ensembles, books, you name it. But I vacillated between “way too busy” and “way too lazy” in a way that kept me burned out and unfulfilled.
There’s a meditation exercise that Tara Mohr teaches in her book, Playing Big, where you get to spend some time with your inner mentor—who is you, 20 years from now. I do this exercise daily, but at this moment, looking at 2013 me, it was I, as the inner mentor, looking at past Kate saying to her, “Don’t worry, Kiki, You’re going to figure it out soon enough.”
And I did.
Flipping forward now through the photos, I saw a different story. I saw the story of a woman learning 4 crucial truths over a period of 5 years. Those 4 crucial truths led to 4 major shifts in my thinking, and thus, my actions, and were the catalyst for the life I have now. I’d like to share those with you today so that you might be able to make these shifts in less time than it took me.
Crucial Truth #1: I Needed More Structure in my Schedule.
When I decided to become a professional musician, I had dreams of this free life, where I didn’t have to clock into an office. I could sleep till noon if I wanted (I’m an early bird, so I never wanted to, but the point is that I could…) but that’s not what happened. Because every day was different, I didn’t know how to schedule things. I thought the point of being an artist was that you didn’t HAVE to schedule. I could go to the grocery store in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon if I wanted.
That is, unless I had a rehearsal that day, or if I wasn’t cramming some practicing in for a last-minute concert, or just hanging out with friends because, why not?
Because I could do everything at any time, I often ended up not doing anything ever. Bills would pile up, the fridge would empty out, and the laundry would start to take over the bedroom.
I decided to give “Structure” a shot.
As a freelancer, each week was a little bit different, but when I looked at everything all together, there were definitely blocks of time that I NEVER worked. I was always free between 6 and 8:00 (ish–depending on where that rehearsal was and how I was getting there) and I was always free on Saturday afternoons. I taught in the mornings and usually had a concert at night, but afternoons were generally free. Mondays are an artists’ day off, so those were usually free. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough for me to put important weekly tasks like laundry, grocery shopping, and life admin in places in the calendar that weren’t going to be messed with.
Beyond that, I started to take out my calendar each Saturday afternoon and plan out the week ahead. Where were my rehearsals? When would I practice? When would I meet up with friends? Etc.
It worked!
Oh my god, it worked! And instead of making me feel confined, it made my life so much less stressful! In fact, I remember noticing how much time I had been spending feeling stressed—each Monday afternoon, realizing that I had wasted it away, or a Saturday afternoon spent in front of the TV–suddenly having to get up and get to a concert. All of that stress disappeared when I had gotten things done earlier, and could actually spend an hour relaxing in front of HGTV before playing a Mahler Symphony (as one does).
The cherry on top, was when I saw a kick-starter campaign by a little start-up company called Ink & Volt, selling planners. When I saw them, I knew I had found MY planner. It was laid out perfectly for my needs, and 9 years later, I’m still using them! They are a time-blocker’s dream.
Crucial Truth #2: Looking at Life with a “Yes, if” lens will get you farther than a “No, because” lens.
I’ve got a whole blog post dedicated to this topic (you can read it here) but the general idea is that when presented with an opportunity, our natural human default will be to think of all of the reasons we should say no.
“No, because it’s too expensive.”
“No, because we don’t have time.”
“No, because we don’t have enough people.”
It’s always about what we lack. Money, Time, Support.
What I learned, thanks in part to a colleague who was such an extreme “no, because-er” that he could’ve been the national spokesperson for the phrase, was that focusing so much on what you lacked, kept you in lack. If you passed on an opportunity because you didn’t have enough money, you were denying yourself the opportunity to go out and GET MORE MONEY.
Looking at these moments through the lens of “yes, if” didn’t necessarily mean that we were going to move forward blindly, it just meant that we were giving ourselves the chance to imagine what it would be like.
“Yes, if we raised an extra $10,000” leads to: “Okay, how can we raise $10K?”
“Yes, if had an extra 5 hours a week” leads to “What can we outsource, or put on pause in order to free up some extra time for this?”
“Yes, if we had 5 more people to help” leads to “who might we be able to recruit as volunteers for this project?”
It opens your eyes to new possibilities, and those new possibilities are what lead to growth.
Once I learned this Crucial Truth, I saw everything differently. Suddenly I could do all sorts of things I had previously thought were off limits–simply because I didn’t currently have the resources.
“No, because” was keeping me stuck. “Yes, if” forced me to get creative and find solutions.
Crucial Truth #3: Overwhelm Means the Step isn’t Broken Down Enough.
Around this time, I decided to record an album of French Cello music. I had always wanted to make an album but had a whole cadre of “No, becauses” at the ready. Once I had gotten past those excuses (no label, no equipment, no money, etc.) I was well on my way.
I found funding, I had a brilliant pianist, I had a stack of music, I had a friend who was going to record it, etc. etc. But then the whole project just seemed overwhelming. How many hours? Securing a Label? Marketing it? Not to mention learning and rehearsing all of the music. The list of tasks seemed to grow bigger and scarier with every day.
I was overwhelmed.
And then I read somewhere that any task that seems overwhelming just isn’t broken down enough.
“Learn all the music” is overwhelming.
“Practice the Exposition of the Poulenc” is okay.
“Secure a Label” is overwhelming.
“Make a list of potential labels” is okay.
You get the idea.
In the blank pages at the back of my planner, I took every single part of the recording project and broke them down into the tiniest of steps. Once I was sure that none of them were overwhelming, I was able to get to work. Some days I was able to tick off 5 or 6 boxes, and some days, only 1. But I never felt a sense of dread. Each small step informed the next and the next.
I’ve used this method again and again. So much so, in fact, that I don’t even think I realize it. It’s just become standard practice. Currently, I’m using it with the launch of my new digital course. Everything from the emails to the social media graphics to the landing page to the module scripts to the recording of the videos was broken down into small steps that I could do without breaking into a sweat.
Mostly, that is…which brings me to…
Crucial Truth #4: Courage is a Muscle.
Because you can break down the steps to make them less overwhelming, but sooner or later, one of those teeny tiny little steps is going to freak you the hell out. And that’s when you need courage.
“Email Johannes Moser” was a teeny tiny step on my list of tasks when putting together my Virtual Summer Cello Festival back in the spring of 2020. Easy. the previous day’s task was to get his email address (tick!) and the day before that, I had written a faculty invitation email (tick!). So now all I had to do was open Gmail, add his email address to the email I had written, and hit send.
Not an overwhelming task, but it felt HUGE. If he said yes, it would draw a lot of attention and give a lot of street cred to the festival. A lot was riding on it. Also, he didn’t know me, and he owed me nothing, so it felt like I was putting my reputation at stake.
But I gathered my courage, counted down from 3, hit “send” and then waited for my heart to stop racing.
It had only just started beating normally when I received a reply (Ah, remember lockdown? When we had nothing better to do but sit around and reply to emails?)
“This sounds fantastic! I’d love to!”
It was like doing 20 reps for my courage muscle. The next email to a world-famous cellist was easier, and the one after that even easier. Before I knew it, I had my All-Star line up all lined up.
And now I’m facing each and every intimidating and scary moment with a slightly stronger Courage muscle, and that Courage muscle has helped me do some very brave things indeed:
- Move from a major arts mecca to a 21-square-mile island in the middle of the ocean.
- Pivot from orchestral freelancing to more solo and chamber music performances.
- Completely transform how I taught, with the Bridge Online Cello Studio
- Become a Coach.
- Quit Performing altogether.
- Quit Teaching altogether.
- Start a Blog
- Add in a Podcast.
- Write a Book.
Do I still feel nervous? Yes. Of course. Nerves, Imposter Syndrome. All of those negative voices are in your head. We all deal with them and they never go away. But the antidote is courage. The courage to say “Not today, Satan!” to those negative voices. The courage to send that Imposter Syndrome to the back seat and say “I’m driving today!”
There is still and always will be, that moment of truth. The period of mustering the courage. The “Will she or won’t she?” but more and more they show up, and I’m like, “Oh, hey! Yeah, she will. She ALWAYS does remember?”
and then, heart racing, I do the thing.
Looking back on this list, I can see how all 4 shifts kind of work together. I can say “yes, if” all day long, but unless I have the tasks broken down, and have the time carved out in my schedule, and the courage to do the scary ones, nothing would get done. All four of these truths need to be incorporated into one machine.
I had to learn one at a time, and it took me a very long time to get things where they are now, but once I had all 4 going, there was no stopping me.
And now you have them too. I can’t wait to see what you can do with them. How much less stressful your life will be once you’ve added a bit of structure to your schedule. How much your life will expand once you start saying “Yes, if” to more opportunities. how much more you’ll get done, without the overwhelm of an un-broken down task, and all of the amazing things you’ll accomplish once you start to invite courage into your life.
If you want a chance to put all 4 of these shifts into place this week, it’s not too late to join me for my “Launch Your Legacy” 5-Day Challenge. We’re starting today, and by Friday, you’ll have your artistic project mapped out–with the details, the timeline, the steps, and the vision. Whether your project is an event, a product, or a career transition, the first tiny step is to register and we’ll handle the rest.
I hope to see you there my friend!
Cheers,
Kate
How Will You be Remembered as an Artist?
At what point in our lives as artists should we start thinking about our Legacy? When we first started, walking into our very first piano lesson at the age of 5, or our first ballet class, or our first art class in summer camp–whatever it was–it probably never occurred to any of us that this would be a significant part of our lives, or that our contribution to this craft would ever come into consideration.
Then, growing up in these various arts worlds, we stood in awe of the great masters–the world-renowned performers, pedagogues, and prize winners, and looked at their body of work as their great legacy–the recordings, videos, novels, movies, Tonys, Emmys, Grammys, Academy Awards and Pulitzers. Possibly even a Nobel Prize or two. We watched The Kennedy Center Honors–an annual televised spectacular that honors the legacies of the greatest of the great American performing artists.
But what about us mere mortals of the industry?
Do our contributions count? Of course, we’d like them to. After spending decades of our lives in service to our art, it would be nice to feel as though those efforts mattered. As if they made some difference…to somebody…somewhere.
And, my friend, I’m sure it has.
It’s worth thinking about what, exactly, we want that legacy to be though. How DO we want to be remembered?
I remember watching a Masterclass given by the violinist Midori at Tanglewood one summer. Someone in the audience asked her about her legacy, and she began talking passionately about her foundation, Midori & Friends, and their mission to provide tuition-free music lessons to students in New York City.
“Oh!” interrupted the questioner “I meant your own legacy…as a violinist. As a child prodigy and world-class performer.”
She smiled and responded something along the lines of, “Many people play the violin as well as I do. Many people have made recordings, and many people start quite young. But this foundation? Providing these experiences to so many young people who might not ever have it otherwise? That is something unique that I can leave as my legacy.”
It was at that moment that I understood that the pursuit of excellence in my craft (in my case, as a cellist) was important, but perhaps it wasn’t the most important thing, and for certain, it was not unique–there are thousands of good cellists out there–and that when the time came, my legacy as an artist and a human would stem more from how I had helped to shape the world around me than how flawless my Dvorak Concerto was.
But how does one create a legacy when you’re still in the middle of things? Do legends just sort of happen, or can you be intentional about it?
A lot of us wonder if we’ll just go along, and after a long career of being good at what we do, earning the respect of our industry peers, and doing good work with good colleagues, we’ll just sort of fade out. Maybe we’ll have to stop performing at some point, maybe no one will really notice or care if we don’t publish one more novel, or paint one more canvas.
After spending a lifetime looking up to the masters of past generations, what if no one is looking up to us? What if we Just. Fade. Away in a cloud of insignificance?
It seems a bit melodramatic, but I’ve had this come up in more conversations than I can count. One of the perks of being a coach is that I get the honest truth from everyone. So while maybe no one is talking about it backstage or after a performance, trust me when I say it’s on a lot of people’s minds!
The good news is that truly, there is nothing to worry about. If leaving behind some kind of artistic legacy is important to you, then all you need to do is create one.
It really is that easy.
How?
Let’s dive into it.
Throughout my career, I have yet to meet a fellow artist–be they a writer, a dancer, a musician, or a cinematographer–who didn’t have an idea of something THEY wanted to do to shape the world around them. From educational opportunities to community and social justice initiatives to creating a new way of doing things, I think every one of us is tapped on the shoulder by our unique ideas. And that idea whispers to us “You should do this. I’ve chosen you.”
Whether we take on that challenge or not is a different story, of course! There are so many reasons not to:
- You’re too busy
- You’re not fancy enough–not enough of an expert.
- You don’t know how.
- You just haven’t gotten around to it yet.
And in “The Perfect Time to Start a New Project”, I talked about some of the times when it makes more sense to give that idea a hard pass, and also when perhaps you’re just making excuses. Check it out if you’re hesitating on an idea and unsure if it’s the right time to act on it.
So maybe you know that you want to do something, but the specifics are a bit vague. It’s as if that idea was playing a game of “telephone” and by the time the whisper got to you it was a bit garbled and nonsensical.
Step 1: Identify as much about that idea as you can.
Maybe you already have a highly detailed Google doc, and maybe you know that it has something to do with a massive field and….I don’t know…baseball?
Whatever.
Write it all out and focus on what you DO know. As I’ve said before, that is an excellent question that will get your out of many of rut.
Step 2: Think about the overall legacy you want to leave.
What do you want people to say about you at your funeral? How do you want to be remembered as a person? Were you kind? Always prepared? A bit messy but always a lot of fun? Supportive? Loyal? Fiercely Motivated? Quiet and calm? or the life of the party? Always striving for excellence?
What about the people you worked with: did you collaborate? Were you a lone wolf? What projects were you a part of? Which groups or organizations did you align yourself with? Who did you help? Who benefitted from your work? A specific group of people? A community? The industry?
Step 3: Combine Your Initial Idea and Your Legacy Ideals:
Now you have the What and the Why. If the idea was to run a workshop for students, your legacy ideals will help you figure out what is going to be most important about that workshop.
Is it to raise the standards of performance? Is it to create a sense of community? Is it to change the way the learn?
Because while a thousand artists might have the idea to run a workshop, everyone’s WHY will be different. Each one will have a unique purpose, and each one will be part of a unique legacy.
What will you do? Will you set up a competition of some kind? Or help make some industry-wide changes around equal pay? Safer work environments? Fairness in standard practices?
What is important to you? And what do you want to leave behind? It could be a scholarship in your name at your alma mater. It could be an international art festival, it could be a legacy of going into one school every month for years–helping the students to discover their own love of craft. It could be anything.
And while there are as many possibilities as there are people in the world, one thing holds true for them all. Thinking about this today gives you the gift of purpose and intentionality. You will find that you start to spend less time doing things that don’t matter to you, and you’ll waste less time reaching out toward the kind of work that does matter to you. You’ll find yourself working towards your projects with a sense of importance and urgency that propels your momentum, and you’ll be surprised at how much you can accomplish–and how much joy and fulfillment it brings you.
Can you imagine what life would be like if artists around the globe started acting on their ideas, putting their why and their purpose behind them, and getting them out into the world? I’m borderline obsessed with how much good would come from it. In fact, I’ve made it my Why, and my Purpose to help my fellow creatives out there do just that.
An Invitation
If this idea of Legacy Curation resonates with you, then I have something very exciting for you. I want to invite you to join me next week, from Monday, February 5th until Friday, February 9th, for a 5-Day Challenge I’m hosting called “Launch Your Legacy”. It’s totally free, and I promise, it’s not a huge time commitment–your time is precious, after all–! I’m going to pack a lot of useful info into short, easy-to-digest bits, all of which you can take in according to your own schedule.
When you register, you’ll find an email from me waiting in your inbox when you wake up each of the 5 days, with a small task or writing exercise that you can do at any time. Each day’s task will get you one step closer to identifying a project, program or event that aligns with the kind of legacy you want to leave.
I’ll be going live in the TFTL FB group each day at 1pm ET for a little discussion/Q&A about that day’s task and topic. Join us live or watch it when you’re free. The videos will remain up for the week.
By Friday, you’ll have significant clarity around the kind of project you’d like to take on, a plan for how to accomplish it, a clear timeline of how long you’ll need to put it together, confidence in the skills you already have in place to make it happen, and the knowledge of which skills you’re going to need to learn or outsource, and the confidence to pull it all together. So that you can start moving forward with building your artistic legacy.
Again, it’s called Launch Your Legacy, and this 5-Day Challenge is totally free. It begins on Monday, February 5th, and Ends on Friday, February 9th. I do these things periodically for my audience because I believe so strongly that artists truly make the world a better place–not only through their craft but because of the creativity they bring to solving the problems we face.
I sincerely hope you’ll join us, and I cannot wait to meet you!
Register right now (HERE) and recruit your friends and colleagues to join in as well.
Cheers!
Kate
The Perfect Time to Start a New Project
I’m sitting here in my office looking out the window at the rain over the harbour. It’s the kind of day that inspires cups of tea and cozy sweaters–even though it’s technically 71 degrees here in Bermuda–and I just got another DM from a reader about last week’s post about Growth Tasks vs. Maintenance Tasks, I’ve gotten a few of these messages from people who were, in some way or another, feeling stuck in maintenance-mode, but unsure how to make a move out of it.
They all have ideas for projects of some kind. One had a desire to move to a new city, and another one had a brilliant idea about starting a summer workshop series for adults.
They all had a different reason for not getting started, but they all revolved around the question:
When, exactly, is the perfect time to start a new project?
One was “too busy.” With their own freelance work, teaching, and taking care of their kids. One was “too old” to start over, and today’s was “too young” to start such a serious endeavor.
The only situation that was missing was “I have time but don’t know which idea to start with”
And there you have it: The four horsemen of artistic stagnation:
- Too Young
- Too Old
- Too Busy
- Too Confused
But before we dive in, let’s answer one looming question. Is there ever a wrong time to take on a new project or make a big change?
Yes. I think there is, but even then, there are ways around the obstacles. We’ll get to those later on.
Problem #1: You’re too young
Too green. Or maybe you’re just not considered an “expert” in your field. In the arts, especially when we have such a reverence for our great masters like Itzakh Perlman, Pablo Casals, Martha Graham, or Margaret Atwood. We have always revered these legends and looked to people like them to create opportunities for the rest of us. They are the ones who are asked to lead conservatories and dance companies, and be the headliner at a retreat, or masterclass session.
You? You’re just an up-and-comer. You should focus on your career and your craft. Just do the thing you’re trained to do, and wait until you’re old and famous. Then you can start doing other interesting things.
Right?
Well, no. Maybe not.
I remember listening to the now hugely popular podcaster, Cathy Heller from Don’t Keep Your Day Job, back in her early EARLY days. She was talking about how, as a singer-songwriter with moderate success, she decided to create a course on how to write songs. She was full of self-doubt and imposter syndrome and bemoaning the classic “I mean, who am I to teach people how to write songs?” This should be taught by Bob Dylan, Sheryl Crow, or Lady Gaga!”
“Maybe.” her friend replied, “But they aren’t teaching it. You are. And Someone needs to, so it’s a good thing you’re doing it.”
I struggled with similar thoughts of imposter syndrome. Who was I to start a big international cello festival ONLINE in March of 2020? Who was I to gather the most famous cellists in the world and expect them to spend their summer with me and my students? Showing up in my Zoom Room to play scales with us at 8 am?
Surely Juilliard, NEC, and Curtis should be doing it. But they weren’t. I was. And there were a hell of a lot of talented cellists who needed it.
You know who else needed it? Those famous cellists–who needed an opportunity to learn how to teach online, who needed a bit of summer income, who needed and wanted to teach in a summer that had just been canceled on them. And somehow, even when things opened up in 2021, they came back for more.
Who was I? I was the person willing to do it.
So you’re NOT too young. You’re the person who has the idea, and hopefully, you’re the person willing to take it on.
Problem #2: You’re too Old
It’s too late to change. It’ll take too long. People will be confused. People will feel betrayed.
I’ve heard it all!
Seriously, half the population is saying that they are too young and inexperienced to do something, and the other half is saying they are too old and washed up to do something. Which leaves a handful of, what, 37.5 year olds? To do all of the things. That’s just not fair. They’d like to take a vacation too.
Making a big pivot later in life does bring about its own set of mental calisthenics. When you have an established reputation, it can seem like there is more at stake. When life has gotten somewhat comfortable with your usual day-to-day tasks, it can feel like a big lift to change things up in your routine.
Also, when it comes to changing location, there’s the question of leaving behind a community of long-gathered friends and neighbors. The trick here is to focus on what you will gain on the other side. An expanded community, new friends, new colleagues. A new perspective.
But if it’s an idea that has been gnawing at you. Tapping you on the shoulder, again and again, then it’s probably worth taking the leap.
I guarantee, no one else thinks you’re “too old” to do anything. If anything, you’ll garner respect and admiration for having the courage that so many struggle to find in themselves.
When you hear those stories about the 85-year-old who went and finished their college degree. You don’t think “That’s ridiculous! They’re too old for that! What’s the point?”
No.
You’re saying ‘Wow! That’s amazing! Good for them! We should all have such courage and determination.”
Indeed—we should. You should, too.
Problem #3: You’re too busy
Life is full on. You’re in the middle of your PhD, with a baby at home and a performing life to boot. Or maybe you have a thriving freelance career and a stuffed-to-the-gills teaching studio. Maybe all of the above!
Artists tend to be busy people. Taking on new opportunities without the need to shed old ones. I remember when I was living in Boston and was hired to be a cello coach and run the chamber music program at Boston University’s Tanglewood Institute. I already had a position as head cello coach and director of Chamber Music for a big Youth Orchestra Program, and when I told my brother about the new position at Tanglewood, he asked me if I was sad to be leaving the youth orchestra.
Why would I do that? I asked. After all, the two jobs didn’t conflict. The youth orchestra ended in June, just before Tanglewood started, and Tanglewood ended just in time to get to the youth orchestra’s summer camp in Maine. Who needs a vacation?
We pride ourselves on fitting every new opportunity into a giant Jigsaw puzzle and running in circles every chance we get.
So why would I recommend adding even more to that mile-high plate? Because more often than not, that is the only way off the hamster wheel.
Ideally, one would take a good, hard look at what they are doing, and they would kick the low-paying, long-commuting, or generally-not-worth-it items to the curb, leaving copious amounts of time and space to take on the more fulfilling and revenue-generating projects.
If you can do this–even if it means reducing your income or relying on a partner’s income for a while, do it.
Trust me.
Sometimes that’s just not a possibility, but it doesn’t mean you can’t move forward with your ideas.
- They might take longer
- You might need to bring on a collaborating partner
- You might need to do your project on a smaller scale until it gains some traction. Maybe your dream of a live, in-person, week-long retreat starts off as a two-day online workshop.
THEN…
Once you’ve created something–and something that you know you can repeat, you can start letting go of other things, clear some space, and set your life up with proper balance in place.
My mother is a perfect example of this. Miserable in her corporate job with a long commute to downtown Chicago and the boss from hell, she knew she wanted to get into Education. With a Master’s degree, she’d make more than she was making, and her hours would be far better aligned with her family’s needs. But she couldn’t afford to quit working and take classes because my dad had just been laid off and was “figuring things out.”
So she took one credit at a time, in the evenings, and spent her other nights and weekends doing her classwork. Eventually, she got her Master’s and got her dream job in a school nearby that she loved. 2 years of very hard work, but it paid off in spades.
Problem #4: I have loads of time, but don’t know where to start
Let me guess-you have about 5 great ideas and you keep bouncing around between them, unsure which one to start with.
Should you start a festival or a chamber group? Or run a summit? Or a performance series? And that idea you have for a novel isn’t going away, and maybe you should travel around South America taking photographs.
When faced with so much confusion, there’s only one question to ask: What DO you know? That answer will often lead to one small action.
- I know that I want to gather wonderful people together = getting 10 of those people on a Zoom call to brainstorm ideas.
- I know I want to play more chamber music = inviting some friends over to read quartets.
- I know I want to be inspired = attend someone else’s summit
- I know I want to explore new places = take a day trip to someplace new and snap some photos.
Confusion causes paralysis. If we don’t know what to do first, we end up not doing anything at all. And that’s how you find yourself in your PJs at 3:00 in the afternoon binging another Netflix series.
Clarity, however, comes from taking action, so if you can take 1 tiny action based on the answer to that little question “What DO I know?” You’ve just created a bit of momentum for yourself. From there, you’ll either say–no, that’s not it. It wasn’t about going someplace new, it was about taking photographs, and what you really wanted to photograph were…buildings, or you’ll feel that lightbulb moment– “That’s it! This is the right direction!”
Each small, minuscule action you take will better inform the next, and then the next, and then the next, until you’ve finally settled on THE THING. And before you realize you’ve even started, you’ve done it.
I’ve been talking now about how there is no such thing as too young, too old, too busy, or too confused. That any time is a good time to take action, make a change, or start a new project. But there are a few circumstances that might warrant taking a pause.
- The upcoming birth of your child.
- The impending death of a family member.
- War or civil unrest makes in-person events dangerous.
- Coinciding with a major life event, like a wedding, or defending your dissertation.
But other than life, death, war, and weddings, there is no time like the present. You might move quickly, or you might need to take it one slow baby step at a time, but do it!
Flex that courage muscle and take your first action. Because the perfect time? It’s right now.
Cheers,
Kate
P.S. If you enjoyed this blog post and want more insider info on how to thrive as a creative, be sure you get on the list to receive my Friday “Weekend List.” Each one is loaded up with additional tips, tricks, and things to think about, including a new curated list of articles, books, podcasts, and things that I think you’d enjoy. Click Here to Get the Weekend List!
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