Today, we’re going to talk about the #1 thing that keeps people from making progress on their dreams, their goals, and their lives: Waiting until they feel confident enough to do it.
We’re going to dig into why we do it, Why it’s such a huge mistake, and how to muster that thing you ACTUALLY need first: Courage.
*** Before we start though, I wanted to remind you all that we are just 2 weeks into Quarter 2, and it’s not too late to do your Quarterly Retreat. I LOVE doing these stay-at-home retreats each quarter–they allow me to check in with my goals, my progress, and my finances, and make a plan for what needs to happen over the next 90 days. I figured out a great repeatable process that has been a total game-changer for me, and I’d love for you to have it too. You can download my free Quarterly Retreat Planning Guide today, and start putting plans in place to set your next 90 days up for success***
Okay, so I was on a Zoom call with my Creatives Leadership Academy clients last week. We were doing a bit of a check-in on what everyone is working on, and there was one clear theme that kept popping up.
One client, coming off of a hugely successful event, was wondering why she had been so nervous about it.
One client, who had carefully and meticulously put all of the many pieces in place for a first-time project, was talking about how she might not do it after all because she didn’t think she was ready.
Another person’s project was delayed 6 months, and, although she had the opportunity to do it in a smaller venue sooner, thought that maybe she should just wait until “The big one.” even if it was super delayed.
And yet another person was desperately trying to figure out what they were missing. They were running their event for the 2nd time, and couldn’t understand why they felt so much calmer this time around when they were a nervous wreck the previous time. Surely, they were forgetting something big and important, right?
Wrong.
They just have the benefit of feeling confident this time. Last time it took every ounce of energy they had to drum up the courage they needed.
We have to muster up the courage first. The confidence comes after that 1st success.
- Client #1 was nervous because she had never done that particular kind of event before.
- Client #2 was looking for confidence to launch their project for the first time and they were never going to find it.
- Client #3 would miss out on the opportunity to gain the confidence of a successful “early” run that they could lean on for “the big one”
So many of us get caught in the trap of waiting until we feel “ready” before we commit to taking something on.
Not applying for the job because you didn’t meet every single qualification with years of backup experience. Not entering the competition because you didn’t feel confident you could win. Not taking the audition because you were certain there were more qualified people than you.
We miss out on so many opportunities–both opportunities that you’d already be brilliant at, and also growth opportunities.
A year ago, we were planning the first summer Pops concert for the Bermuda Philharmonic. I could picture it all in my head. A big tent with chairs set up, the orchestra at one end of it, other concert-goers picnicking on the lawn outside the tent in their beach chairs and blankets, food trucks all around the back, and a perfect day.
But even though I had a clear vision for it, I had ZERO confidence it would come together. Why? Because I had never done it before. I had never worked with the tent vendor–who seemed just a tiny bit flakey. I had never worked with this kind of staging before (had I given the stage guy the right dimensions? Would there be enough room?) I didn’t know. What would happen if no one brought lawn chairs and didn’t have a place to sit? What if it rained? What if no one bought tickets?
It was all brand new. To me, and to them.
I had Zero confidence that I had planned it all correctly.
However, I DID have confidence that I would be able to figure things out in the moment and make it work.
And I had confidence in my ability to summon a large dose of courage.
Courage to try it. Courage to show up. Courage to be in charge of this event–no matter how it went.
It went great. When I showed up early that day, the tent was already up and the chairs had been delivered. The stage was getting finished up and it was the perfect size. I had asked for a mic, but not a mic STAND, but that was fetched. We had the electric keyboard, but not a long enough extension cord, but that was purchased from a nearby store in time for the end of dress rehearsal when we needed it.
The food trucks arrived.
The audience came in droves—-some to sit in the tent, and some with their beach chairs and blankets and picnics.
It was great.
And now this year, as I’m planning it, it doesn’t feel so terrifying. I know the tent guy will be just fine. The staging is the right size. we know to bring a mic AND a mic stand. And an extension cord for the keyboard. The audience remembers last year and have already told their friends to come too. The food trucks (who Cleand UP that night) are excited to return.
We all have the confidence because it’s a proven concept.
Last year required courage. This year we have Confidence.
So, now, the big looming question:
How, exactly, does one muster this magical courage?
Practice.
In Episode 8, I talked about the 4 Crucial Truths I had to learn the hard way, and truth #4 was that Courage is a muscle, and that like any muscle, it can be strengthened.
If you are someone who often talks yourself out of things, you can learn to build up your tolerance for fear–I mean that’s all it is, right? We’re afraid we’re not ready, and that we will look foolish. We’re afraid we won’t win and we’ll feel disappointed. We’re afraid we will fail, so we don’t even try.
The goal here isn’t to never feel that fear. It’s normal to have those thoughts and feelings come up.
The goal, rather, is to feel that fear, and say: Yeah, maybe, but I can handle it, so let’s just see how it goes.
Start small. Send an email to someone who seems “out of your network.” Ask someone at a store for a discount. Ask the restaurant host if there is perhaps a nicer table (politely, obviously). Raise your hand and ask a question in class, or in the meeting, or at a workshop. Look for small opportunities throughout your day to use that courage muscle, and keep notes on what happens.
If you do it often enough, you’ll start to see that 1 of 2 things happens. 1: it all works out great. You raised your hand, and got called on, asked a question, and it turned out to be a great question–one that everyone was thinking too, and one that was a catalyst for a fantastic conversation. Or 2: It doesn’t work out. You raise your hand, get called on, ask your question, and it seems that everyone in the room already knew the answer. It feels awkward for about 30 seconds, but everyone seems to be acting totally normal around you afterward–like nothing happened.
In other words. It’ll work out in your favor and you’ll have confidence in your ability to do THAT thing again. Or it won’t work out in your favor, and you’ll have confidence that you’ll be fine either way.
Your heart might be beating a thousand times a minute, your palms might be sweating. You might have a few sleepless nights, but with a slightly stronger courage muscle, you’ll be able to move through it.
Another way to help muster your courage is to put some accountability in place. Sometimes all you need is to say it out loud on social media. Even though only 2% or so of your followers will see it, psychologically we feel bound to follow through if we’ve made what we feel to be a public announcement.
Accountability can also be in the form of a good, trusted friend. “I am going to take this audition!” or a mentor “I am going to start this artists’ co-op.”
To help you WANT to continue to strengthen your courage muscle, you can reward yourself every time you use it. A small treat–whether that’s a piece of chocolate, or your favorite coffee drink, or a few chill moments, listening to your favorite podcast. Whatever it is, train your brain so that it will get a little shot of dopamine whenever it demonstrates courage, and you’ll be looking for new opportunities left and right.
At the end of the day, you have to decide whether you want to put yourself in the arena or not. There might be people who aren’t suited for the arena. They prefer a quiet, relaxed, stress-free, and reliable environment. That’s great–and that can also be great for all of us during certain periods of our lives. But if you are someone who is yearning for something more, something bigger, better, greater, whatever….it’s going to require courage.
I can guarantee that you will be faced with many MANY moments where you ask yourself if you have what it takes, and honestly, you just won’t know until you try it.
Suppose you’ve been listening to this and thinking about a big shift you want to make in your life that you know will require HEAPS of courage and accountability, and you would like to work with me 1:1 to help you navigate that. I DO have spots available this spring, but only 2!, So book a client strategy call with me ASAP so we can talk through your goals and ideas, and have time to make that decision without feeling rushed.
Have a great one, and I’ll see you next week!
Cheers,
Kate
