The 4 Crucial Truths That Changed Everything for Me

 

I was scrolling through my phone yesterday looking for a specific photo from years ago, and wow–is that ever a mind trip! With a flick of the thumb, I was transporting myself back in time—from this past year of career wins and family losses, back to photos of everyone in masks during COVID, further back to concert tours and vacations around the world, and further still to my Boston freelance days. 

It was there that I stopped scrolling. Looking at a photo of me from back then, I appeared happy and smiling, but the truth is that I was deeply unhappy. By all accounts, I had a successful career.  I had steady work—perhaps even too much work–I got to work with my best friends every day, and I felt appreciated and respected by my colleagues. 

But there I was. Miserable. I for sure wasn’t living the life I wanted, but I also wasn’t entirely sure what the life I wanted looked like. I was working insane hours each week, but then, any time I had a day off, it would just disappear into thin air, with none of those to-do list items that had been piling up getting done. 

I had notebooks full of ideas for projects, ensembles, books, you name it. But I vacillated between “way too busy” and “way too lazy” in a way that kept me burned out and unfulfilled. 

There’s a meditation exercise that Tara Mohr teaches in her book, Playing Big, where you get to spend some time with your inner mentor—who is you, 20 years from now. I do this exercise daily, but at this moment, looking at 2013 me, it was I, as the inner mentor, looking at past Kate saying to her, “Don’t worry, Kiki, You’re going to figure it out soon enough.” 

 

And I did. 

 

 

Flipping forward now through the photos, I saw a different story. I saw the story of a woman learning 4 crucial truths over a period of 5 years. Those 4 crucial truths led to 4 major shifts in my thinking, and thus, my actions, and were the catalyst for the life I have now. I’d like to share those with you today so that you might be able to make these shifts in less time than it took me. 

 

Crucial Truth #1: I Needed More Structure in my Schedule. 

When I decided to become a professional musician, I had dreams of this free life, where I didn’t have to clock into an office. I could sleep till noon if I wanted (I’m an early bird, so I never wanted to, but the point is that I could…) but that’s not what happened. Because every day was different, I didn’t know how to schedule things. I thought the point of being an artist was that you didn’t HAVE to schedule. I could go to the grocery store in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon if I wanted. 

That is, unless I had a rehearsal that day, or if I wasn’t cramming some practicing in for a last-minute concert, or just hanging out with friends because, why not? 

Because I could do everything at any time, I often ended up not doing anything ever. Bills would pile up, the fridge would empty out, and the laundry would start to take over the bedroom. 

I decided to give “Structure” a shot. 

As a freelancer, each week was a little bit different, but when I looked at everything all together, there were definitely blocks of time that I NEVER worked. I was always free between 6 and 8:00 (ish–depending on where that rehearsal was and how I was getting there) and I was always free on Saturday afternoons. I taught in the mornings and usually had a concert at night, but afternoons were generally free. Mondays are an artists’ day off, so those were usually free. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough for me to put important weekly tasks like laundry, grocery shopping, and life admin in places in the calendar that weren’t going to be messed with. 

Beyond that, I started to take out my calendar each Saturday afternoon and plan out the week ahead. Where were my rehearsals? When would I practice? When would I meet up with friends? Etc. 

It worked! 

Oh my god, it worked! And instead of making me feel confined, it made my life so much less stressful! In fact, I remember noticing how much time I had been spending feeling stressed—each Monday afternoon, realizing that I had wasted it away, or a Saturday afternoon spent in front of the TV–suddenly having to get up and get to a concert. All of that stress disappeared when I had gotten things done earlier, and could actually spend an hour relaxing in front of HGTV before playing a Mahler Symphony (as one does). 

The cherry on top, was when I saw a kick-starter campaign by a little start-up company called Ink & Volt, selling planners. When I saw them, I knew I had found MY planner. It was laid out perfectly for my needs, and 9 years later, I’m still using them! They are a time-blocker’s dream. 

 

Crucial Truth #2: Looking at Life with a “Yes, if” lens will get you farther than a “No, because” lens. 

I’ve got a whole blog post dedicated to this topic (you can read it here) but the general idea is that when presented with an opportunity, our natural human default will be to think of all of the reasons we should say no. 

“No, because it’s too expensive.”

“No, because we don’t have time.”

“No, because we don’t have enough people.” 

 

It’s always about what we lack. Money, Time, Support. 

What I learned, thanks in part to a colleague who was such an extreme “no, because-er” that he could’ve been the national spokesperson for the phrase, was that focusing so much on what you lacked, kept you in lack. If you passed on an opportunity because you didn’t have enough money, you were denying yourself the opportunity to go out and GET MORE MONEY. 

Looking at these moments through the lens of “yes, if” didn’t necessarily mean that we were going to move forward blindly, it just meant that we were giving ourselves the chance to imagine what it would be like. 

“Yes, if we raised an extra $10,000” leads to: “Okay, how can we raise $10K?” 

“Yes, if had an extra 5 hours a week” leads to “What can we outsource, or put on pause in order to free up some extra time for this?”

“Yes, if we had 5 more people to help” leads to “who might we be able to recruit as volunteers for this project?” 

It opens your eyes to new possibilities, and those new possibilities are what lead to growth. 

Once I learned this Crucial Truth, I saw everything differently. Suddenly I could do all sorts of things I had previously thought were off limits–simply because I didn’t currently have the resources. 

“No, because” was keeping me stuck. “Yes, if” forced me to get creative and find solutions. 

 

 

Crucial Truth #3: Overwhelm Means the Step isn’t Broken Down Enough. 

 

Around this time, I decided to record an album of French Cello music. I had always wanted to make an album but had a whole cadre of “No, becauses” at the ready. Once I had gotten past those excuses (no label, no equipment, no money, etc.) I was well on my way. 

I found funding, I had a brilliant pianist, I had a stack of music, I had a friend who was going to record it, etc. etc. But then the whole project just seemed overwhelming. How many hours? Securing a Label? Marketing it? Not to mention learning and rehearsing all of the music. The list of tasks seemed to grow bigger and scarier with every day. 

I was overwhelmed. 

And then I read somewhere that any task that seems overwhelming just isn’t broken down enough.

“Learn all the music” is overwhelming. 

“Practice the Exposition of the Poulenc” is okay. 

“Secure a Label” is overwhelming. 

“Make a list of potential labels” is okay. 

You get the idea. 

In the blank pages at the back of my planner, I took every single part of the recording project and broke them down into the tiniest of steps. Once I was sure that none of them were overwhelming, I was able to get to work. Some days I was able to tick off 5 or 6 boxes, and some days, only 1. But I never felt a sense of dread. Each small step informed the next and the next. 

I’ve used this method again and again. So much so, in fact, that I don’t even think I realize it. It’s just become standard practice. Currently, I’m using it with the launch of my new digital course. Everything from the emails to the social media graphics to the landing page to the module scripts to the recording of the videos was broken down into small steps that I could do without breaking into a sweat. 

Mostly, that is…which brings me to…

 

Crucial Truth #4: Courage is a Muscle. 

Because you can break down the steps to make them less overwhelming, but sooner or later, one of those teeny tiny little steps is going to freak you the hell out. And that’s when you need courage. 

“Email Johannes Moser” was a teeny tiny step on my list of tasks when putting together my Virtual Summer Cello Festival back in the spring of 2020. Easy. the previous day’s task was to get his email address (tick!) and the day before that, I had written a faculty invitation email (tick!). So now all I had to do was open Gmail, add his email address to the email I had written, and hit send. 

Not an overwhelming task, but it felt HUGE.  If he said yes, it would draw a lot of attention and give a lot of street cred to the festival. A lot was riding on it. Also, he didn’t know me, and he owed me nothing, so it felt like I was putting my reputation at stake. 

But I gathered my courage, counted down from 3, hit “send” and then waited for my heart to stop racing. 

It had only just started beating normally when I received a reply (Ah, remember lockdown? When we had nothing better to do but sit around and reply to emails?)

“This sounds fantastic! I’d love to!” 

It was like doing 20 reps for my courage muscle. The next email to a world-famous cellist was easier, and the one after that even easier. Before I knew it, I had my All-Star line up all lined up. 

And now I’m facing each and every intimidating and scary moment with a slightly stronger Courage muscle, and that Courage muscle has helped me do some very brave things indeed: 

• Move from a major arts mecca to a 21-square-mile island in the middle of the ocean. 
• Pivot from orchestral freelancing to more solo and chamber music performances. 
• Completely transform how I taught, with the Bridge Online Cello Studio
• Become a Coach.
• Quit Performing altogether. 
• Quit Teaching altogether. 
• Start a Blog
• Add in a Podcast.  
• Write a Book. 

Do I still feel nervous? Yes. Of course. Nerves, Imposter Syndrome. All of those negative voices are in your head. We all deal with them and they never go away. But the antidote is courage. The courage to say “Not today, Satan!” to those negative voices. The courage to send that Imposter Syndrome to the back seat and say “I’m driving today!” 

There is still and always will be, that moment of truth. The period of mustering the courage. The “Will she or won’t she?” but more and more they show up, and I’m like, “Oh, hey! Yeah, she will. She ALWAYS does remember?”

and then, heart racing, I do the thing. 

 

 

 

Looking back on this list, I can see how all 4 shifts kind of work together. I can say “yes, if” all day long, but unless I have the tasks broken down, and have the time carved out in my schedule, and the courage to do the scary ones, nothing would get done. All four of these truths need to be incorporated into one machine. 

I had to learn one at a time, and it took me a very long time to get things where they are now, but once I had all 4 going, there was no stopping me. 

And now you have them too. I can’t wait to see what you can do with them. How much less stressful your life will be once you’ve added a bit of structure to your schedule. How much your life will expand once you start saying “Yes, if” to more opportunities. how much more you’ll get done, without the overwhelm of an un-broken down task, and all of the amazing things you’ll accomplish once you start to invite courage into your life. 

If you want a chance to put all 4 of these shifts into place this week, it’s not too late to join me for my “Launch Your Legacy” 5-Day Challenge. We’re starting today, and by Friday, you’ll have your artistic project mapped out–with the details, the timeline, the steps, and the vision. Whether your project is an event, a product, or a career transition, the first tiny step is to register and we’ll handle the rest. 

I hope to see you there my friend! 

Cheers, 

Kate