Choosing Your Sidekicks for Success

Today, we’re talking about sidekicks. The people you keep close by your side. The ones that help you, challenge you, make you laugh, believe in you, and encourage you. And we’re talking about how a well-chosen group of sidekicks can help lead you toward success (Whatever success looks like for you.)

Making any big shift in your life can feel daunting. Whether you’re attempting to level up the kind of work you’re already doing, pivot into a different field, or embark on a whole-life transformation, having the right sidekicks alongside you can make all the difference. 

It takes guts to make these changes, and it takes perseverance, battling imposter syndrome, and overcoming our self-doubt. 

It’s not easy.

It also requires that we not attempt to do it on our own. We need to get a support system in place.

To borrow from a classic example, you’ll want to have your Obi-Wan, your Yoda, and you’ll definitely need a Chewbacca, or you’re not going to make it. 

I’ve identified 5 different roles you’ll want covered by your sidekicks, and in today’s episode, I’m going to take you through each of them.

#1 is The Proof

It’s a lot easier to motivate ourselves to take on something scary if we know it will work out. Being able to point to an example of someone who has done something similar definitely helps in that regard. As soon as you start to hear your inner voice say something rude like:

“That’s a dumb idea, you could never get away with doing something like that.”

 You can point to that person/colleague/celebrity and say, “Well, THEY did it.  So, I probably can too.”

You can also literally model your steps after them.  Find out what they did, and do that too. If it worked for them, it will probably work for you too. Do you want to run a marathon? Find people who have run marathons and ask them how they trained. Do that. Run Marathon.

When I wanted to start an online summer festival last year, no one had done that exact thing.  But I HAD seen enough summer festivals up close, and I had seen people put together online conferences and summits, so I just combined the two. You can do something like that too if no one has done exactly what you want to do. Find people who have done similar things, and then put your own twist on it.

Look around you.  Who do you see that you can use as your proof? Write their name on a piece of paper and pin it to your work board and, without getting all creepy about it (please don’t do that) find out what you can about how they did it.

 

#2 is The Peer 

(And, yes: They DO all start with the letter P. It’s easier to remember that way.)

Moving on. 

A Peer is someone who is going through a similar journey/path/transformation–insert any of those gross icky words one can use to describe the hard work of getting yourself from point A to point B.

Ideally, this Peer is starting from the same or similar point A and is looking to get to or near the same point B.

This is your equally out-of-shape buddy who is going to train with you to do a 5K.  Your childhood friend who is already a veteran marathon runner is a mentor, a trainer, a guide, perhaps, but they are NOT your peer. 

This is your friend who also wants to make some kind of career or life pivot. It could be similar to yours (ie you both want to start chamber music festivals) or they could be wildly different (ie, you both want to shift into a different career altogether)

The point is that they are just as giddy and excited about it as you are, and also a bit apprehensive, a little terrified, and sometimes want to throw up at the idea of changing things up.

 You know, in a good way. 

They will walk the walk and talk the talk with you.  When you’re having a great day, they will rejoice in your wins, and when you’re having a lousy day, they will commiserate with you. It’s hard. They get it. They’ll remind you that it’s worth it. And you’ll do the same for them. 

In the coaching world, we call that “Jumping in the pool with you.” If you get in the pool and the water is freezing, a coach will help guide you to the ladder to get out of the pool, or help you reframe it as “refreshing!” whatever is most helpful to you in the long run. But a peer? They will jump right in with you, and say “oh, yeah—this IS freezing! It sucks!” 

One of the things I hear most often from clients who are reaching out to me for the first time is that they feel very lonely and isolated in their desire to make such a big change.  They worry that their colleagues and friends will at best, just not “get it” and at worst, completely snub them. 

And they might be right.

The person who is trying to be healthy and kick some bad habits? They meet up with their friends, who give them a hard time for ordering a seltzer and a salad instead of a Malbec and manicotti. I’m not saying they shouldn’t hang out with those friends, but it would be a lot easier if they were all trying to be healthy together and ALL toasting with Pomegranate La Croix.

When I decided to start working with a business coach, the thing that appealed to me the most was the group of people I would be working alongside. That group of people, all of whom were working on their own projects, became my rock.  We took turns alternating between tears of frustration and stories of victory, and having a space where I could be 100% real – to not have to hide what I was working on or be shy about my wins, was a big part of my success.

In my own group programs, like CLA and Profit Pivot, I aim to create the kind of atmosphere that fosters those connections –Choosing participants who will benefit from and enhance each other’s work. But the alchemy of each cohort always takes on a life of its own as peers build connections and trust between them. Even my 1:1 clients get to come to my weekly office hours, so that they, too, can meet some of their peers. People in their shoes who are experiencing similar things. It’s that important. 

It’s a powerful thing, The Peer. If you can surround yourself with them, that’s amazing, but you’ll feel a big difference even with one. 

 

#3 is The Pillar

I have made a couple of big pivots in my career. The first was when I left the freelance orchestra world and started touring around and doing more solo performances. The 2nd was when I moved into the online teaching and coaching space. 

I remember some serious low points in each case.  The concert in Seattle that was attended by…5 people? The time I had a memory slip in the last movement of a Bach Suite I had played a gazillion times? The time I showed up to perform on a “concert series” at a wine bar, and it turns out it was just a bar with live music. Let’s just say they were NOT expecting Bach. 

Or the time I had the final “graduation session” planned for my first big coaching group and there was an explosion at the Power Station 20 minutes before that put the entire island into a blackout. The numerous times I sent out a wrong email, posted the wrong dates, or an expert I hired gave a total dud of a class. 

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. This whole career pivot thing? Not every day is an awesome day. The only way to get good at something new is to screw up and learn from your mistakes. 

Those days just feel hard. My secret weapon?

It’s The Pillar.

The Pillar is the person that holds you up. The person that keeps you from crumbling in the middle of a launch when you round the top of the curve of the rollercoaster and start barreling headfirst towards the ground because the power was cut (spoiler alert-it’ll all work out, it just might not feel like it in that exact moment.)

Your Pillar can be your spouse, your best friend, your mom, your kind neighbor who thinks you’re the bomb, or your Aunt Susie who always knows just what to say to make you feel better. At times, I act as the pillar for a client who needs one. Standing there as they do courageous things.

Your Proof? You might not even have met them. Your Peer? They’re going through the same thing. You can cry on their shoulder, but they are probably crying on yours as well.

Your Pillar though? They are there for you. Strong, always encouraging, always on your side. When you are on top of the world, they tell you they believe in you. When you’re ready to quit? They tell you they believe in you.

When I was growing up, doing the whole monkey dance of competitions and auditions that all young musicians go through, I would get incredibly annoyed when, after a “not-exactly-my-best-most shining-moment” performance, my dad would come up to me, beaming, and say “That was terrific, honey!  You were the best one!”

I would get so annoyed because a) he was clearly wrong and b) he didn’t know Anything.  My friends’ parents were all professional musicians. They knew. And they could be honest about their kid’s performances. They could go home and critically break everything down and do a full SWOT analysis of that day’s performance.

And there I was with my dumb dad–what the heck did he know? I could have walked out on stage with a broken cello, and he would still tell me I was great.”

 In hindsight, I was the luckiest girl around. He was such a gift. He was my first pillar.

The truth is, we all desperately need someone like that in our lives. Someone who, no matter what, is supporting us.

The person who believes in you, your dreams, and your ability to make them happen.  A person who will run errands and take on extra chores for you when you need to work a few extra hours a few weeks in a row.

The person who is blind to (or will, at least, kindly ignore) your bad moments and is consistently telling you to keep going, that you’re doing great.

These days, my pillar is my husband.  He’s a scientist, and he had to google “cello” the night we met “just to see which one it was”. For years, he would feel bad that he couldn’t talk to me seriously about classical music, or “my work” the way I could with my colleagues, and eventually I was able to convince him that I didn’t need that from him.

In those colleagues, I have my peers–important, but only 1 out of the 5.  He was my Pillar.  My source of strength and support, and I don’t need him to know a damn thing about my industry for that.

Those “terrible days” will sort themselves out. The mistakes will get fixed or rectified, and you will learn everything you need to know. All your pillar needs to do is stand there, allowing you to lean on them for a little bit.

Who is Your Pillar? Your Peer? Your Proof. I hope you’ve been making a list.

 

#4 is The Professor 

The other day I got a nice surprise email from an acquaintance of mine from Boston. This woman was a regular at my concerts. Not a cellist herself, but a huge fan, and she always talked about how she wished she could play. Well-educated, and having had an impressive career, she retired early and did more impressive things. But she had always dreamed of hosting salon evenings in her swanky home and reading Brahms Piano Trios into the wee hours of the morning. In her email, she excitedly told me that she had decided to make learning the cello her next project.

I was so happy for her and asked her who her teacher was.

“Oh! I’m not studying with anyone yet. I’m not good enough. I’m just going to learn the basics myself and then I’ll go and find a teacher.”

(Yeah–I just heard you all sigh deeply)

“But could you just show me how to do vibrato real quick?” She asked

 Um. Not really, No. 

 It’s not that I can’t teach someone how to vibrate, obviously. I did it for over 25 years. 

It’s that I can’t just tell someone how to do it and then send them on their way. I don’t care how many advanced degrees one holds from MIT. It involves exercises and repetition under a watchful, experienced eye. It requires feedback and adjustments. It requires information you can’t get from a YouTube video.

Now, if you’re merely curious about something or you just want to dabble for fun, then by all means, go for it. I’m a huge fan of hobbies (link). And if you’re curious about that weird shaking thing we professional cellists are doing with our left hands, I’ll happily tell you all about it.

But if you want to really do it–be proficient enough to be able to play (and read) chamber music, say. Then you simply need to work with a teacher.

Or….A Professor

It sounds better. And it starts with the letter P, like the other 3 have, so….

If you want to get a bit fitter, then you can just do a home workout.  But, If you want to change how your body looks, then you’ll save yourself a lot of time and frustration by signing up with a personal trainer.

The same is true for preparing for orchestra auditions, learning a language, and learning a sport. For just about everything, really.

Especially revamping your career.

Take it from me.

Back in 2017, I knew I wanted more from my music career. I loved my teaching and I loved my performing, but the entrepreneurial itch that has followed me around my whole life was resurfacing.

I did some Google searches for help, guidance, examples….anything, really. And came up empty.

So I turned to podcasts. I found several that were mind-blowing to me at the time. Mostly online marketing and business leaders like Amy Porterfield, Jenna Kutcher, and Steph Crowder.

I was hearing words I, as a musician, had never heard before: ROI, conversion, launching, email marketing platforms, algorithms, ICA, and landing pages. My head was spinning.

But I was fascinated. I knew that as a musician, if I could harness the business side of things—things I never learned in music school, I could, in fact, do a lot more.  So I stuck with it, and I learned a lot.  I felt on top of the world.

 These people were masters. They were my teachers. But as I dove into their content, I kept noticing a common theme. One after another, they would at some point refer to their business coach…..their WHAT?

All of these business leaders had business coaches.  And they all swore by them.  I was determined to get one as well.

One of those podcasters, Marie Forleo, had a digital course called “B-school”, and I signed up for it. It wasn’t cheap, and I didn’t have a ton of extra cash lying around, but I decided to invest in myself. Marie Forleo would be my business coach even if she didn’t know who I was.

I learned more lingo. I learned how to do a few more things. And there were thousands of other people in the course wanting to network and exchange info.

But none of them were artists. And I felt very alone.

My niche of classical music was a strange one. Every time I went into a live Q&A and asked something about my projects, I was met with blank stares.  They just weren’t quite sure how to deal with my niche.

So I kept looking. I was determined to find someone who understood both the business AND the industry.

Eventually, I found that person in my first coach, Jennifer Rosenfeld, and as soon as I started working with a teacher that was well-matched to who I am and what I wanted to do, doors started to fly open for me.

Because just like vibrato, you can’t just read a book about creating a business and do it. You need guidance in real time. Someone there to answer questions, help steer you, and sometimes just say “Yep! You’re doing great! Keep going!”

And now I know first-hand what those podcasters were talking about, and why they have their coaches.  While I now have the experience and knowledge to be able to guide my own clients towards their goals and help them achieve their dreams, I, too, will have a coach in my cheering corner for the rest of my career.

And it’s funny how similar the conversation is when someone attempting a big career shift says to me: Well, I think I can completely overhaul my career on my own for now, but could you just tell me how to do a launch? 

 Um…Not really…No. Not in 5 minutes.

For that, you’ll need a Professor

Preferably someone with a proven track record who has experience doing what you need to do. If you are just starting out and dabbling, maybe that person is a podcaster that you’re listening to. Or maybe you’ll dive into some of those inexpensive digital courses that teach you how to do one thing or another.

But eventually, if you truly want to succeed, you’re going to need to bring in the big guns.  The Professor can help save you months of procrastinating and frustration.  They can keep you from making costly mistakes and they can help you get to where you want to go.

So now you’ve got a team of 4.

So far, we have met:

The Proof: The person we can look to as proof that this endeavor IS, in fact, possible.  

The Peer: The person who is walking the walk right alongside us.  

The Pillar: Your source of strength and support.  They likely have nothing to do with your venture, but they are there for you—whenever you need them. 

The Professor: From the author of a book to a podcaster you love to a literal teacher, trainer,  or coach. this is the person who is inspiring you to see what is possible for you and is providing information that will get you there. 

And that brings us to…

 

 

#5: The Prodder 

The Prodder is the person in our lives who nudges us (physically or mentally) to GET IT DONE. The person who will say “Have you done your practicing yet today?”  or “Did you send those emails this week?”  This person must be self-selected, otherwise, they’re called “The Nag”.

While being surrounded by a strong peer group can help to make you feel accountable, and you might want to look good for your coach or teacher by always doing what they have suggested, I would strongly suggest asking just ONE person to be your prodder.

For me?  I chose someone from my coaching program. My prodder and I meet most weeks and tell each other what we are committing to as our next steps. And check in on each other daily through Voxer.

Some of the prodding is an encouraging “You can do it, Kate! It’s going to be great!” and some of it is a stern reminder “You said you wanted to do 5 each week—how many more do you need to do?” 

 Is there an overlap in these 5 people? Sure, Sometimes.

The more successes my peers rack up, the more they become my proof.

At times, my peers will prod me into action.

My professors (coach) have at times shown that they are also peers as they work through their own work issues (which is amazing, btw, to follow along in real-time as they tackle real-life problems I’ll someday face) And at times they have also prodded me. My prodder is also a peer, and sometimes we both have days where we look at each other and say “This all feels hard today.”

But although the lines sometimes get blurry, the fact that I can state with full clarity who fulfills which role in my life has made all the difference.

If I ever start to question whether I can do the things I want to do,  I look to my proof. People out there doing incredible things each and every day, despite similar odds. 

When I want to commiserate or share a win without feeling like I’m bragging, I have peers in my mastermind group. They make a pretty amazing cheering squad.

When I need support, which in my case could mean anything from a good hug to needing someone to pick up groceries, cook dinner, and do the dishes afterward, I have my incredible husband, Paul.

When I need to learn how to do something new, want help shaping a new idea, or want guidance into what my next steps could/should be, I have my coaches.

And when I find myself wanting to procrastinate, I have my prodder to hold me accountable.  

So now I want to know. Who’s on your team? Who’s missing? Which roles need filling? 

I’m so grateful to everyone who has supported me along the way, and I’m sure there will be many more to come.

As creatives, we tend to grow up believing it is ALL on us. Whether or not we have the drive and ambition to get our butts into the studio, whether or not we have the talent and skills necessary to “make it” and whether or not we have the right personality to get into the “right” circles. We are taught that it is on us alone, as individuals.

But really, it’s about the team. Always has been, and always will be. Whether you are a student, a teacher, an amateur, or a professional, once you figure this out and get your team in place, there is no limit to what you can accomplish.

I wish I had known this a few decades ago. It would have made everything easier, and less lonely, and I have no doubt I would have had better results in my pursuits, but I’ve learned it now. I’ve lived it a few times over, and I’m so happy to be able to share it with you now.

Happy Team-Building! Go and enjoy your new sidekicks.

Cheers, 

Kate