5 Levels of Internal Growth

Over the last 9 years, I have made a lot of changes in my life, and the clients I work with 1:1 and in my group programs are making changes of their own. Some are moving into leadership positions within their field, some are changing their field entirely. It’s all exciting, and fun, and scary, and terrifying all at the same time. 

Because it requires growth. 

There is a lot of talk about growth–in fact, we’ve made 2 entire genres out of growth: Personal Growth and Professional growth. But Growth is Growth. It always requires the same of us: Getting outside of our comfort zone, taking on a risk or a challenge, and shifting our identity. 

And we all know what growth looks like, right? A promotion, getting to the next level in a job, an audition, or a sport. Getting from “beginner” status in a foreign language to “conversational”. Going from couch potato to a 10K runner. 

When we think of Growth–be that our own, or in someone else, we think of the outward changes in their appearance, work status, behaviors, or even bank accounts. 

But more often than not, that outward change in appearance or status is preceded by a more quiet change. 

This first kind of growth is subtle. Sometimes, it’s something that as a coach, I can recognize in my clients before they see it themselves. 

It’s Internal growth. 

 

 

We all know this picture of the iceberg with the top 10 % of it sticking out of the water representing external growth, and the 90% of it underwater and unseen that had to happen first. 

The top part is the first sale of a new artist’s work. The bottom part was the years of wondering if they should quit their job, take art classes, if they were allowed to, in mid-life, suddenly “re-brand” themselves as an artist. It was the months it took to post their work on Instagram or to show their teenagers what they made. It was the courage it took them to quietly submit a piece to an open call. 

The top part is the successful opening night of a singer’s directorial debut. Accepting the roses and applause. The bottom 90% is the years of talking about it, the months of resistance and then finally getting that proposal written. The slow identity shift from “just a singer” to “singer, producer, and director” The baby steps in confidence building as one tiny courageous act made the next one ever-so-slightly less terrifying. 

I’ve had clients who, 6 months into it, put out a splashy, amazing project with loads of visibility and hype. Everyone is wowed. All is good. 

And I’ve had others who have worked with me for years, without any outward “project” to show for it but have, in that time, gained total clarity around what they want to do with their lives, confidence in the person they are and belief in the person they are becoming. Tasks that were once crippling to them (posting their work online, or sending an email to someone they want in their network) are now done regularly, without giving them a 2nd thought. 

Those are some of my favorite coaching moments. The outward successes are fun, of course, and are cause for much celebration and acknowledgment of the hard work that went into them, but witnessing these quiet, subtle, internal moments of growth is incredibly meaningful to me because without them, there would be no outward successes. But once this kind of internal growth occurs? Anything is possible. 

I’m sure there are hundreds of different ways to experience internal growth, but here are the 5 big ones that I see occurring in the months leading up to a big outward success. And I usually see them happening in this order, almost as if they are different levels of a game. 

 

Level 1: Responsibility

I have a visceral memory of sitting on my bed one evening while I was in the midst of a pretty low point in my life. If I’m speaking plainly, I was in a pretty deep depression. Life was not going the way I wanted it to be going. My love life was a disaster, my career felt hectic and disorganized, and opportunities weren’t coming at me as quickly as I thought they would be. 

But this one evening, sitting in my bedroom writing in my journal, I wrote these words:

“I need to stop expecting everyone else to make me happy. It’s not their job. It’s mine.” 

I don’t know where that clarity of thought came from, but it came–clear as day–so clear that still remember the exact line 20 years later. I made a list right then and there of the kinds of things/people/work I wanted in my life, and brainstormed ways to get them. I started to take responsibility for my own life. Ironic, since, as a classic Gen-X latch-key kid, I had basically been responsible for my life since I was 5 years old. But I digress…

Now, I see it in my clients, too. The shift from placing blame for their hurt feelings, seeming lack of opportunities, and financial woes on everyone around them, to taking ownership of all of it—finding intention in their reactions to people’s words, creating the opportunities they want, and finding ways to generate the financial life they want. 

“It’s so unfair!” becomes “I wonder how I can…” 

 

 

Level 2: Attitude 

The 2nd internal growth shift happens after we take responsibility for our lives and get proactive. The initial excitement of a new idea gets bombarded with all of the reasons it won’t work. I refer to this kind of thinking as the “No, because” mindset.  I’ve got a whole blog post on this if you’re curious,  This 2nd marker of internal growth is when that “No, Because” mindset turns into a “Yes, If” mindset. 

First, we take responsibility for our lives, and then we develop the mindset to get curious about how to make it all happen.

“Yes, if we could raise the money.” 

“Yes, if I could find the right venue”

“Yes, if I could find the courage to record that album”

“Yes, if I could find 2 quiet and uninterrupted hours a day to work” 

 

Level 3: Improved Mental Game

We’ve now gone from “I am responsible for my own life” to “I can do this…IF..” This third step in the path of internal growth is what separates the successful from also-rans. No matter the circumstances, those pesky mindset monsters, imposter syndrome, and resistance, will rear their ugly heads. 

No one is safe. 

Most people will allow a single negative thought like “People will laugh at me” to derail their progress, and sadly, their own personal and professional growth in the process. Most people will allow a week of resistance–whether your particular brand of resistance is procrastination, distraction, martyrdom, or indulging in unhealthy habits–to mean that they aren’t capable of taking on this beast of a project. Or they’ll let it mean that they don’t really want to do it (even though deep down, they know they do). 

Imposter syndrome is our brain’s way of keeping us safe and sound within the confines of our comfort zone. Growth means stepping out into the unknown. Into uncertainty. Unchartered territory. Our brain will throw any and every warning thought at us to keep us from even attempting such a dangerous thing. It’s hard-wired from back in the days when that unchartered territory might have contained animals that wanted to kill us. But in modern days, the worst thing that can happen is more likely a slight wound to our ego, and that is not fatal–I promise. 

Resistance—that inability to get yourself into the practice room when your audition is looming? The intense need to scrub the kitchen floor before you could possibly start working on that painting idea that you can’t get out of your head? The decision that you’re simply too busy caring for everyone else to work on your own project—is nothing but fear. I’ve talked about this before. It’s always just fear. Fear that you won’t be good at it. Fear that you’ll hate it. Fear that you’ll love it, but no one else will? Fear that after all this time, it just won’t go as planned. 

Level-3 growth is not when you no longer face imposter syndrome or resistance, because we always will. Level-3 growth is when you can recognize it for what it is, and stare it down. 

It’s when you can see yourself procrastinating, and you call yourself out on it. “It’s okay. Just do 10 minutes of work, and then you can get back to the video game.” or “Yes, people might laugh—and I can handle that. I’m doing this project anyway.” 

 

 

Level 4: Courage

If Level 3 growth is the recognition of the mindset obstacle, and the decision to overcome it, Level 4 is when a person finally gathers up the courage to act. They write the email, they create the social media announcement. Often, they need a little bit of help crossing that finish line, and part of my job as a coach is to give them the push they need to SEND the email and to POST the social media announcement. 

Traveling through Level 1: It’s on me. Level 2: This could work, IF. Level 3: I’m not going to believe these negative thoughts to Level 4: takes tremendous growth, and if you can get to Level 4, you’re pretty much guaranteed to make it all the way. 

The reason for that is that once you can get yourself to act with courage to do the scary thing. To peek outside of your comfort zone, you’ll start to gain the confidence that comes from experience. 

It’s ALWAYS terrifying to send that first email. To post that first piece. To ask for that first meeting. It’s terrifying for every single one of us. But if you can gather your courage and do it, you might get a nice response, and suddenly, sending an email isn’t so bad–maybe you could even email someone else? Next thing you know, you’re sending emails to people regularly. Emails that, before, seemed impossible. 

As a coach, I see the growth in clients who previously would Voxer me to say “So, I need to email so-and-so. What should I say.” and then “Okay, I’ve written the email. Do I really have to send it?” suddenly send me Voxers that say “So, I emailed these 3 people, and sent them proposals…..” like it’s no big deal.

That is a big deal. 

 

Level 5: Identity 

I recently had a client who was making a huge shift in their career. Totally different industry. Their most terrifying moments centered around people asking them what they did. “What do I tell them?” That I’m attempting to be this new thing? That I am? What if they want to see my work? I don’t have anything to show for it. I’ll feel like a fraud.” 

I get it. 

For 40 years I was “Kate-the-cellist” It’s how I was introduced, recognized, and referred to. When I stopped being a cellist, I was writing daily, but I hadn’t published anything other than my blog, and that question would send me into a panic. But one day, someone asked me what I did. Someone who never knew me as a cellist. I responded, “I’m a writer.” and just like that, I felt my own tremendous growth. Because although it’s just words. It’s about getting to a place where your identity shifts. 

This client of mine went to a reunion, and in our session a few days later, was recounting different interactions they had had with old classmates. “What did you say when they asked you what you were up to?” I asked.  “You know?” they said. “I think I just said I was an artist.” It just sort of rolled off my tongue. It didn’t feel as strange as it did before. 

Once you’ve reached this 5th level of internal growth, anything is possible. 

Level 1: It’s my responsibility

Level 2: This can work..IF

Level 3: I’m choosing not to believe these negative thoughts. 

Level 4: I have the courage to take the first step

Level 5: This is who I am and What I do. 

The actor who finally identified as a director, and was able to communicate with people about her production idea as a director, rather than as an actor who was trying to be a director. That person is almost guaranteed to make that production a reality. 

The public school music teacher who allows herself to identify as a performer and starts to see the gig offers roll in. 

The freelancer who starts to identify as a groundbreaking pedagogue and gains the attention of major Arts schools. 

 

 

Mind you, in each of these cases, while you can SEE the tremendous growth that has happened, the people in question had not actually put out their first product, project, program, etc. There was no External PROOF of their growth. But as you can clearly see, they had already done the hard part.

These 5 Levels of internal growth represent the 90% of the iceberg that is below the water. The 90% of taking responsibility, seeing the possibility, pushing through the negative thoughts, demonstrating courage, and allowing for that identity shift.

The rest is easy. The rest is just doing the thing. Only now, we’ve grown into the person that CAN do the thing. We have all the tools we need. 

Where do you fit into this video game of personal growth? Are you at a Level 5 already? Or starting out at a Level 1? Somewhere in the middle? What what you need to do in order to get to the next level? 

If you listen back to previous episodes, you might find a few easter eggs.

Cheers, 

Kate x

P.S. Have you done a Stay-at-home work retreat yet? Grab my free Quarterly Retreat Planning Guide and I’ll walk you through my exact quarterly planning and assessment process.